Friday, February 12, 2010

Set a Date

I get caught up and time flies by. I don't want to be in Japan forever. That's all I know. Sometimes I think I'll stay for years, and sometimes I think only one more. Usually I think about how hard it will be to leave and sometimes I think I'm getting bored.

I don't want to lose anything I have here, but I will. Places close and friends get lost. I do so much and it changes so fast. I wish all my good lives could follow me like a parade all the way to death.

10 comments:

chie-ppa said...

I just cant imagine when you leave Japan

Jen B said...

Allow me to be cheesy for a moment: I have the exact same feeling, and I feel quite settled here and this last year I'm *finally* getting everything "sorted", but I still have these impulses to throw everything away and get in a van and drive around the coastline (in my head); it will never go, because I grew up in something resembling a gypsy camp. I've come to the conclusion now that I won't even worry about where I should be when I have something that is unrelated to where I am and that I carry around with me.

Ok, well, that probably was completely unrelated to how you are feeling. I'm good at that. Byeee...

Musings by a Weird Girl said...

what a beautifully sad and mournful thought

Beth said...

holy shit this post is goth

Beth said...

jen, it's not that unrelated. i cannot give up my dream of living in a camper.

it just sucks because once i leave i can't come back whenever i want.

chie, i can't imagine that you left portland.

Beth said...

weird girl, aw geez thanks

Sarah said...

Stay in Japan, if you can, until I get there with my scotch and bare knees.

Green-Eyed Geisha said...

Sweet post. I think most foreigners here would feel this on some level, I can only speak for myself though. A couple years ago I could see how easy it would be to just wind up living here, drifting the years away. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it seems too easy in some ways, like we are getting away with something. Anyway, I etched a 2-3 year period in my head and am trying to follow it, but when I think of all the stuff I will miss here it makes me incredibly sad.

NuBreed said...

Leaving Japan was hard for me. I was there over 5 years and at all times there was another reason I used to justify my being there. First it was to meet some girls, then it was for a GF or another, then it was to past the JLPT, then it was for money, and so on. I was prolonging the inevitable because I didn't know what I wanted to do when I left. After deciding it still took me over a year to leave.

You might be feeling that you don't want to lose the cool friends, easy job, apartment in good location, or, ultimately, the fun life that took you years to build. If you leave and decide to come back can you quickly regain what you had? The answer is yes but still I know convincing yourself to do quickly what you know will and must do anyway isn't easy.

Beth said...

Geisha and NuBreed, tooootes. When you're into it it seems so easy to stay forever, but I think I'll leave when I need to leave. At some point recently I started to be able to picture how I will probably get bored in the end. I obviously like it here but it is not a place I can live in forever, at all.