Thursday, October 8, 2015

Goodbye, Blue Dress

Goodbye, blue American Apparel Double U-Neck Cotton Spandex Jersey Dress. You were always a little too tight and never stopped sliding up my thighs. But inexplicably I reached for you time and time again, and somehow you became my most loyal friend. Looking back now I can't believe how many nights we shared, and how vividly I remember.

Though under a sweater or blouse you passed for ordinary, you were the sleaziest dress I ever owned. Perhaps it was your hidden sleaze that helped me become my sleaziest self. For that notion, blue dress, I will honor you always.

I wore you under my big yellow sweater in the white-hot nucleus of my youth, living on moyashi and whiskey as I swam the streets of Tokyo. 

I wore you to Ni-Chome under a black-and-white tartan top that didn't look good with anything else. That night I got so drunk I failed to take a restroom selfie and took a nap in a parking lot. I never wore that top again. 

I wore you under a flea market cape on a date with an arrogant music exec who took me to an expensive bar and talked about himself for hours.

On Halloween night in 2010 I had no plans, and I wore you with maroon tights, black pumps, and a gray sweatshirt slashed at the collar. We went shopping in Shibuya and smoking in Shinjuku, where I befriended the enigmatic gutter host named Junkie Kou. 

So many years. So many memories. 

And then one day last week I wore you to a cafe in NYC and realized your shoulders had lost their shape. Inching up my thighs was one thing, but flopping down my arms? I knew it was time. You've reached your end, my wonderful, sleazy blue dress. I will remember you always.

Not everyone can live forever.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015


Did y'all know New York City is a hard place to live in? Moving here was kind of dumb. Sort of like diving into a tar pit. But creatures evolve, man, and somehow I'm surviving this hostile habitat.