Reverse Culture Shock: Acute Symptoms

Hey, baby pies! Hey from New York! How are you ? Where are you? What have you been up to? I miss you! How have I been? Oof. Let's talk about reverse culture shock -- short-term now, long-term next. I've made the trip between Japan and the U.S. six times, I think, so I know all about the acute signs of being stuck in Tokyo-mode.

OMG everyone's so LOUD

This hits you first, even if you haven't been away for long. At the airport, families shout to each other across, like, an acre of space. "JEFF! HEY JEFF! I GOT -- I GOT YOUR -- WHAT? I GOT YOUR BAGS! I SAID I GOT YOUR BAGS! NO I GOT IT!" I still remember waiting for my bags at SFO after one long summer in the Hyogo countryside and feeling tears prick my eyes because all the noise close to my head was stressing me out and I couldn't understand why everyone thought it was okay to scream around me.

Plus, you can understand all the petty bitching and mundane prattle going on in conversations around you, which makes people seem a lot louder and more annoying than in Japan, where it's easy to tune people out if Japanese isn't your first language. This sometimes hit me when I was still at Narita, waiting for my flight with groups of American military members talking loudly about gossip on the base or their plants back home or whatever.

Well this is a docile bunch, but...

And then, whoa, all the noise on public transportation! The airport shuttles are startling enough, but even after three months back in America I was still totally unprepared for the NYC subways. The first time I took the N train into Manhattan I was way overwhelmed. I sat all tense and skittish, my eyes darting around the screeching carriage at all the unpredictable animals packed in with me, singing songs and dancing and yelling at each other and smelling like hair gel and sweat and trash and perfume. Of course, I got used to this fast -- before long I was grinning and skipping from platform to platform like "America's a circus, this is so fucking cool!"

Not actually a stranger but the lovely Melissa

WTF why is this person looking at me and talking to me

I got a lot of attention in Japan. Foreigners who look different get stared at, and young white ladies who speak Japanese can cause a stir in lots of places. But Japan lacks the American tendency to interact with strangers in proximity, and you really feel this difference when you come home. A lot.

You'll be like, trying to pick out an onion at the grocery store and suddenly some random guy's asking you a question. And you're like WHAT WHAT WHAT'S WRONG WHAT'S HAPPENING WHAT -- conveyed, of course, with a look of total alarm and a stammered, confused mumble -- and it takes you several seconds to realize he's just a guy at the grocery store also trying to pick out an onion, and since you both happened to be picking out onions in the same bin at the same time, he cracked a polite little joke about how many choices there were. By the time you start to remember that this is a normal thing that happens here, the poor guy has hurried away because you made him feel real awkward.

Hey stranger 'sup how you doin' OK bye man

While this is something you notice and can get used to quickly, last year it took me months -- months! -- to remember how to banter with strangers again after living in Japan. And it is absolutely one of my favorite things about my culture. People here are so open with their personalities, moods, and senses of humor. Granted, there are plenty of times when I'm not in the mood for that, and I have many fond memories of being left alone in Japan; but basically, American sociability really warms my heart and makes me feel like everyone's in it together.

GIVE ME SOME SPACE! 

I had a hard time with this one when I visited after I'd been living in Tokyo for a full year and some months. I felt like everyone was standing so close to me. When someone touched my shoulder in a casual conversation, it was startling and weird. I can't even really explain this because, as we all know, it's not like I never touched people in Tokyo. But when I got back here I felt like everyone was jabbing my bubble all the time.

It'll be OK. It'll be OK. It'll be OK. It'll be OK.
I was deep in Tokyo for a long time, but I got over all of this stuff within about four months. Fortunately, I actually like my country and culture -- always have! So as much as I dig Japan, I was totally willing to be embraced by the United States again. This isn't the case with everyone, from what I've heard. I've met a lot of Americans who went to Japan and came back a few months later just moaning and sighing about how much better everything is in Japan and how they haaaate being back here because America is sooo this and soooo that. Maybe that's part of the process for them,  I don't know. Even when I considered staying in Japan for ever, I never felt ill toward my own country and never doubted I could be happy there. Of course, I'm from Oregon, the greatest land of all, but the point is! If you weren't born and raised in Japan, then chill out about it, okay? You can survive your own country. All this stuff fades away as quickly as you let it. Give it a few months.

But...
What I didn't expect was the long-term version of reverse culture shock, the slow struggle to readjust as I start over in a new city in my own country. It's a sneakier feeling of disorientation, a sense of discomfort that comes and goes, a bleak confusion between your bones that you can't put into words -- and it drags on, and on, and on. That's another post. 

NOW I'M IN NEW YORK

I didn't know how to break it to you, but I did leave Japan.

Oh, man, it was hard. I can't tell you how hard it was. That's probably why I haven't been near this blog in so long. I mean that was an awful process, leaving Tokyo. I had so much to love there. I cried all the way to LAX. By the time I got to Portland, I felt fine. It wasn't the shock I expected. It was quieter and it took me awhile to realize, like I realize now, that my heart is still aching.

What is wrong with me? That's what I was thinking in those last few weeks. Why would I come to this place and work so hard to find these people I love so much and this life where I can do anything I want? Why would I do that and then force myself to leave it? Why am I hittin' myself? Why'm I hittin' myself?

I don't know why! I was so weary and grateful and devastated during those last days. On my date of departure, I drank coffee in Koenji with someone I cared about very much. When that person left the shop, my Tokyo life was over. There were no more friends to see and I was just waiting for my flight to leave. I couldn't stand that feeling, so I wiped my nose, cleared my table, picked up my bag, and walked across the street to get on the train.

And I'd go to Oregon and be with my family and my dog and my rivers and trees and bay, and I'd have a beautiful summer and I wouldn't cry for that other life much at all.

And a few months later it would be September and I'd be in New York and feeling lost. Here's now, and it's a strange moment to be in. I love being back in America. But nothing can take away this ache in my heart for the streets I walked, the trains I rode, the drinks I drank, the friends I loved, the city where I once said "I found myself in the white-hot nucleus of my youth!" Haha. Oh, Tokyo. You'll forget me and I can't help it, but I will remember our love forever.

Well, anyway. Now I'm in New York. Stay in touch and check back with my new blog here and/or on tumblr. Let's do it.

I'M BACK!

I am! I am SUPER back, because it's 2011 and it's MY LIFE, man! So I have two more months of tedious exams and stinky breath on trains, but to those things I say WHATEVS. I've got good bones for a good life and all the boring stuff can blow me.

Hey, fuck you, desk! You're not important! You didn't create me! You're not my life! I have better things to look at!

Like long lonely winter corridors, like long lonely walks under tracks at night with my headphones on and my boot heels in the background! That's better. That's what I want to do. Miles of that > hours of desk, DEF.

And SUNSETS! Over MOUNTAINS! Over BALCONIES! I'll take that.

And BOOZE? And TIGHTS? And FLORAL SHEETS? Yes, these are good.

Art museums, also welcome!

Oceans, bays, rivers, you are always number one. You are number one! Walks, nights, booze, beds, tights, bays, dreams, fits, trips, smoke, sun, AFTERNOONS, film, rock, and big yellow sweater. You are all number one. It's 2011, and I'm still 25, and I'm not gonna be in Tokyo forever. Hit it!

Set a Date

I get caught up and time flies by. I don't want to be in Japan forever. That's all I know. Sometimes I think I'll stay for years, and sometimes I think only one more. Usually I think about how hard it will be to leave and sometimes I think I'm getting bored.

I don't want to lose anything I have here, but I will. Places close and friends get lost. I do so much and it changes so fast. I wish all my good lives could follow me like a parade all the way to death.

America, America

Forget Japan, I am really proud of all the enthralling American headlines this month. NEWSFLASH: I LIKE GOSSIP!

3!

CONAN VS. LENO

Huge entertainment scandal. David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, and Jay Leno are the three big late night talk show comedians in America. Letterman is a classic offbeat jerk, and Conan is weirder, more hip and popular with college kids. Leno is squeaky clean and old people like him, but he and Letterman have been enemies since Leno screwed him over by stealing the iconic The Tonight Show out from under him 17 years ago. I love feuds! Last June, Leno passed the Tonight Show torch to Conan and made a new show of his own at an earlier time. It didn't do well. So he took Conan's spot back! Oooh! Slimeball! Celebrities and fans have rallied around Conan, and Leno's been slammed in the press, even though he won and Conan's off the air now. I LOVE FEUDS!

2!

SENATOR BEEFCAKE

This is the new Republican U.S. Senator, Scott Brown, posing for Cosmopolitan magazine in 1982. Brown's surprise victory destroyed the Democrats' super-majority in the Senate, likely the final blow for Obama's attempted health-care reform, but the point is, Scott Brown's nickname in the press is Senator Beefcake.

...VS.

PRESIDENT DREAMBOAT

Sweet America, hot mess!

1!
GOOGLE VS. CHINA
(These are the Google Guys)

OH SHIT! Google vs. China?! As huge corporations go, Google is an interesting company with an attractive philosophy. It was a big deal when they agreed to comply with Chinese censorship laws so they could do business there, because it went against their stated belief in free and open access to information and their motto (Don't Be Evil). Google claimed that it was better to provide some access to new information than none at all. Now Google's fed up with cyber-attacks on their systems targeting the email accounts of Chinese human rights activists. They believe the attacks are supported by the Chinese government and they are threatening to pack up and leave. Now Obama and Clinton are demanding answers from the Chinese government regarding the attacks and criticizing the restriction of information, Chinese officials are pissed, and Google looks really cool.

Honorable Mention

HEIDI MONTAG DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING

I don't hate tabloid celebrities like Paris Hilton or Heidi Montag. I doubt they're any dumber than the average person and I don't call girls sluts or whores, so there's no shit for me to talk. But as an indicator of what many of my peers find interesting, they do depress me. I guess I have actively disliked Heidi Montag in particular for being the most obnoxiously boring one. A couple of months ago she disappeared from the press, which was weird because the bulk of her career, seriously, is posing for paparazzi while making obnoxious beauty queen/centerfold faces. It turns out she was in recovery after having 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day and now she looks like a dead person.

Look at that miserable face! She looks like she's in shock! I am so intrigued by her weird corpse eyes that I want to pay attention to her now. Celebrity therapist of celebrities Dr. Drew says, “...what I call this is female cross dressing. In other words a woman that over accentuates her femaleness – who becomes a Barbie doll – that always really concerns me. That suggests some significant trauma." Way to show some grit, Montag!

I can't read more than a few dozen kanji, so I can't read gossip about Japanese celebrities and politicians. It's so sad, I'm almost motivated to study.

Care Package / Human Nature

My family sent me the best care package ever!

Peanut butter snacks! Taco seasoning!

My favorite face lotion! A necklace!

Vintage sheets!

Peanut butter is not equally adored the world over. Japan has peanut cream but it's much sweeter than typical American peanut butter. Japan also lacks a wide selection of cereal and Mexican food. As for vintage sheets, I love old sheets. Some people find this gross but I love the patterns. And, like, I wash them.

Thrifted clothes!

Japan also lacks garage sales, right? My mom got each of these dresses for 25 cents. There are like 5 more, a slip, and a jumpsuit.

Boooooks! AH, MY NORTON'S IN TIME FOR WINTER!

The box arrived the day after I unexpectedly burst into tears while video chatting with my mom and brother. Guess what, I love living in Japan, and I've never felt more unstable. I'm not the sanest person anyway and I went crazy in Yamagata. Since I've been in Tokyo it's just been nuts. I don't wanna recycle hyperbolic lines about this city but it's definitely a place that will do all kinds of things to you if you let it, and I just have more yes in me than no. I like living this way, but what usually feels like a great project can sometimes look like a huge mess.

I seriously don't have a worry at the moment, though. This package was so thoughtful and well-timed and cheered me right up. Then today I got this email from my mom:

Subject: dare you to be in a bad mood with this song
Body:


Hahaha. ILU Mom.

Again With the Gyaruo

Gyaruo in Asakusa, photo by Whitney.

(Japanese friend: "Why are they at a TEMPLE? Are they even INTERESTED?")

My gyaruo fixation is no secret. My friends here generally grimace at my mad respect for gyaruo (and gyaru). But gyaruo have made their own world and they're SO over everything else. They don't care that everyone thinks they're gross and stupid. They've got their tans and pointy boots and air-headed slang and trance music and nanpa and they always look totally satisfied with themselves. I have been all about gyaruo since I moved to Japan. Sometimes I go to the 109-2 in Shibuya to plan my own dream gyaruo makeover and flirt with the clerks. True story.

Oh, don't be so judgmental. You know who hates gyaruo? Anyone in Japan who isn't a gyaruo. It's nuts. So of course once I realized that I got all loud about it and stuck my fingers in my friends' faces and went "THAT'S CLASS DISCRIMINATION!" or whatever and made it my mission to make gyaruo friends. Easier said than done. I have dated my share at this point but so far they have lived up to every ridiculous stereotype. But I can't quit yet, or I'll be left with all my hipster friends going "Didn't we tell you?"

I'll show you all. Somewhere between me and gyaruo there has to be a connection. Somehow we will transcend the cologne/trance music/cheesy date ideas/horrible summer fashion and form a bond between our worlds. Then I'll introduce my gyaruo friends to my non-gyaruo friends and buy the world a coke.

A lot of people find my blog while looking for information on gyaruo, which I respect very much, and the only reason I haven't posted about gyaruo before is that it's so hard not to ramble on and on. I AM LEAVING SO MUCH OUT!

Oh, no!

Friends, watch my back. I am devouring fairy tales and John William Waterhouse paintings like a starving idiot.

The last thing I want is to turn into a Renaissance Faire geek, okay? All right? You must know how I feel about vulgar Arthurian-ism.

I don't know if I should blame my ongoing Keats obsession, or the 3 Gunne Sax dresses I procured in a week's time this summer. I should have known better than to embrace Romanticism and long skirts simultaneously. Then you throw in some Early Middle Ages studies and a few fairy tales...

"I am half-sick of shadows," said the Lady of Shalott.

Example re: Plan B

Winds from the East tell me the winter blues have ATTACKED. Pacific Northwest! God bless that dark, rain-soaked country, with its constant cloud cover from November to March.

Rules for Winter in the Northwest:
1. Don't sleep in! Nobody can live happily on 3 hours of half-daylight.
2. Drink your coffee! Real coffee. It's that strong for your own good in times like these.
3. Go out! Not everyone gets their pick of dozens of live shows every single night of the week. Not everyone has cheap old theaters where they can watch second-run movies with beer and a cheeseburger. Not everyone has 40 billion coffee shops and a giant bookstore to spend their days in.

You can do it!

And oh, I'm sorry I'm gone, and can't fight by your side.

It did seem like college would last forever, didn't it?

But don't be bummed. You're young, there's more, keep moving.