Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Little stamps! Little boxes!

This year I finally got a hanko, the magical little stamp that proves your identity anytime you deal with official paperwork in Japan. And today I finally got a case for it. Too bad I already chipped it, which will probably result in my being deported. Like I'll go stamp something from Amazon and they'll be like "WHAT! is this little GAP IN YOUR STAMP! There was no gap in the last one! Holy shit counterfeit, this is a serious problem. You must not be who you say you are! You cannot have this package." And I'll be like "oh my god are you kidding me? Here, look at my foreigner's card and my passport and my health insurance card and my bank card and my employee's card, dude it's me I promise." And they'll be like, "Well, miss, that's some straight-up evidence you've got there, and I see here that you have used this strange and inimitable handwritten signature of yours many times, so there should really be no question that it's you. Unfortunately this little stamp -- which your co-worker actually went and got for you in your name for about 15 bucks -- is the only true key to confirming your identity, so I'm afraid this spells doom for all future endeavors that require you to be yourself." "Fuck!" Oh, hanko. You make all the sense in the world. Nice case, though!

Look, little candies in cute boxes! Now stuffed in an envelope that has been sealed, addressed, and waiting to be sent for one month plus. Exotic old-fashioned packaging, labels in another language, thrill me no less today than when I was little. I love them! I could buy entire grocery stores when I'm abroad, I love foreign labels so much.

It got cold today. Winter! Why are you like this? I just ordered an electric blanket. I expect us to be best friends. I hate winter here! There is no escape from the stupid cold. It's impossible to insulate these cardboard walls and as soon as you turn off the space heater the cold rushes back in. There is no escape, absolutely no escape, no safe place to shave your legs or put on lotion. Conditions so harsh even I am compelled to keep my pants on as often as possible. I ordered this blanket from AMAZON JAPAN which is viewable in English, has free shipping, lets you schedule delivery and pay in cash when stuff arrives. For every nuisance there's a convenience. Talkin' bout you, Japan. P.S. Amazon doesn't require a hanko, I carelessly made that up.

5 comments:

Generic Jen B said...

Electric blanket. Why didn't I think of that before?

I see another retro packaging fan. I believe that Selena is partial too. I think that besides the fonts and hand-drawn style (and the dots! I love any packaging with dots), the thing I like the most is how they don't use gradiant colours in their fonts. It's all block printing style. I don't know if that makes sense. I darely express myself.

Generic Jen B said...

Did I write "darely"? "barely dare to". Oh I give up.

Lisa said...

I think my house must be like a Japanese house. It's 90 years old and since we moved in I have not been warm once. In winter, it's just freezing, and then in the summer my husband cranks the air conditioning. Enjoy your electric blanket! I have one; it's a total cat magnet.

Beth said...

I know exactly what you mean about font.

I don't know why you don't just embrace these new word contraptions, like, getting one word out of "barely dare to" is pretty fuckin impressive. And fyi I know contraption is not the right word, but it KIND OF COULD BE, so I just let it go, man. I just let it go!

Lisa, your suffering makes me feel less sorry for myself.

selena said...

I love the word contraption! Do it up!