Well, this one is actually double the price. But I mean, duh, you can't have your kids just be huffing any old can of chemicals.
Awesome! This was between little stuffed animals and generic Nerf guns. Your little girl can display it on her waist or bag!
This year I finally got a hanko, the magical little stamp that proves your identity anytime you deal with official paperwork in Japan. And today I finally got a case for it. Too bad I already chipped it, which will probably result in my being deported. Like I'll go stamp something from Amazon and they'll be like "WHAT! is this little GAP IN YOUR STAMP! There was no gap in the last one! Holy shit counterfeit, this is a serious problem. You must not be who you say you are! You cannot have this package." And I'll be like "oh my god are you kidding me? Here, look at my foreigner's card and my passport and my health insurance card and my bank card and my employee's card, dude it's me I promise." And they'll be like, "Well, miss, that's some straight-up evidence you've got there, and I see here that you have used this strange and inimitable handwritten signature of yours many times, so there should really be no question that it's you. Unfortunately this little stamp -- which your co-worker actually went and got for you in your name for about 15 bucks -- is the only true key to confirming your identity, so I'm afraid this spells doom for all future endeavors that require you to be yourself." "Fuck!" Oh, hanko. You make all the sense in the world. Nice case, though!
Look, little candies in cute boxes! Now stuffed in an envelope that has been sealed, addressed, and waiting to be sent for one month plus. Exotic old-fashioned packaging, labels in another language, thrill me no less today than when I was little. I love them! I could buy entire grocery stores when I'm abroad, I love foreign labels so much.
It got cold today. Winter! Why are you like this? I just ordered an electric blanket. I expect us to be best friends. I hate winter here! There is no escape from the stupid cold. It's impossible to insulate these cardboard walls and as soon as you turn off the space heater the cold rushes back in. There is no escape, absolutely no escape, no safe place to shave your legs or put on lotion. Conditions so harsh even I am compelled to keep my pants on as often as possible. I ordered this blanket from AMAZON JAPAN which is viewable in English, has free shipping, lets you schedule delivery and pay in cash when stuff arrives. For every nuisance there's a convenience. Talkin' bout you, Japan. P.S. Amazon doesn't require a hanko, I carelessly made that up.
The Hankyu trains are so cool looking inside! Wood paneling? Teal seats? Please. But Amanda was distracted by my angelic beauty so this is all you get. By the way, my favorite train line to ride in Tokyo is the Seibu-Shinjuku line. I like the orange seats and how it goes down really narrow alley-like tracks with houses and trees on either side. And every time I ride it, something cool happens.
This photo. Jesus. Twenty years from now I will look at this. And all that smoke in my hair, all the booze on the street, all the ruined stockings, and all the hangovers will wash over me in an awesome wave. Ahhh, youth! My youth! Also right after this photo was taken we ended up picking up three really sweet boys for all-night karaoke. They gave us a ride home at dawn, with a designated driver and everything! We all sang Lady Gaga in the car. It was the loveliest, most harmonious spontaneous sunrise road trip. The hills were so beautiful. So when you look at that photo, know that my life methods = CONSTANT VICTORIES!
We planned an all-nighter in Osaka but it got cut short. We went long enough to eat 500 yen roasted crab. It's like, Aw fuck yeah crab! But then it was kind of dry and bland. Waste of a poor crab's leg. If you slay an animal, make it tasty.
Amanda was surprisingly quick to grab the crab hats. Amanda, I did not know you were a silly hat fan. But I can deal with this, I'm not threatened. I'm not threatened by a paper crab hat.
GIVE ME YOUR MAGNETIC POETRY
I'm back home and I have bangs! And yes I live in this sweater now.
I was just going through neglected photos and I still marvel at the cute little bitter mess I was in Yamagata. Look at me. Look at that face. Look at that hair. The work clothes. The parka. The cigarette. The cold. Sorry. I will never get over that winter. Move on to some more forgotten photos.
Team Clean
My first night in Yamagata. How things change! If you put me back there now I'd already have one of those cans shoved halfway into my mouth and I'd still be bitching about something. Hahahaha. A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together.
How to have shoes. Thanks, box!
Pains me to think I missed one fucking epic tantrum in the stockyard.
Do you wonder that I'm high strung?
I do appreciate the veranda.
I don't miss elementary school lunches.
I fucking hate going to the doctor. I hate it in America and I hate it in Japan. I hate Japanese clinics especially. I have National Health Insurance and I don't know if I'm just going to public health clinics or what but every time I go to a clinic in Tokyo it looks like some fucking neglected bankrupt funeral home chapel entryway or something. They're not dirty at all, they're just really run-down with peeling wallpaper, low lighting, old carpets, and more often than not, faded artificial flowers, just like, you know, the ones in cemeteries.
I don't know why I'm so outraged by this, I mean I'm always preaching the grunge... maybe it's just that in a country where you can't get a cup of coffee without 5,000 watts of fluorescent light blasting down to prove how clean the tables are (and how marked your blemishes) you would think that any place offering any kind of medical care would at least keep the paint fresh. Maybe when I'm sick and miserable enough to go to the doctor I want to feel like I'm actually in a medical facility, not some sketchy old cat lady's parlor. This is like the fifth time I've been to one of these clinics and they are easily the five dingiest looking places I have seen in Japan. That's counting dive bars.
And every time you get sick in Japan they're like GO TO THE DOCTOR GO TO THE DOCTOR! Then you go to the doctor and here's what happens.
This is an 1882 photo of a young Navajo guy, before and after. Can you believe that?
