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Nice view.

I got this rose for my birthday but it just wouldn't listen.

Tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored,tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored

What an awesome planet.

Okay I know this has nothing to do with "JAPAN" or whatever but have you ever thought about MOUNTAIN LIONS? Just do that for a second.

Cougars have got to be the most under-appreciated animal in America. There are tons of them in the western states like in Oregon but I don't think people really get that they exist. It's a fucking lion, dude. Look at it. We have lions. Wild lions in the forests. Not in Africa, or in the zoo. We've got serious huge native lions. How fucking intense is that? And we don't even think about it. So just think about it. I love you, planet.

My BIGGEST FAN!

Summertime, we get kinky.

SMOKIN

Tokyo Moe Jared already posted this but it's not like we can have too much. HELLO! Look at it! I thought it was pretty dorky when I just saw the flier on the left, but when I saw the full-body ad a couple days later, I realized smoking is the coolest thing on earth. Who is the target demographic here? My co-worker said "Gays, duh." I was still surprised. I mean duh this is gay but I didn't know it was something any significant number of Japanese men would go for and I didn't know a major cigarette brand would brand itself so 100% gay in a blanket ad campaign. And it's not like I've ever known Japanese concepts of GAY to match my concepts of GAY. If someone told me this was going for the tween girl demographic I wouldn't even be surprised. Whatevs. Go Winston Japan. I love this ad.

P.S. note the portable ashtray hanging from his belt loop. Beefed up and polite, that's how I like them.

Ameyoko

I love marketplaces. SO MUCH. So I've been meaning to go to Ameyoko, the street near Ueno Station that served as a black market after World War II, for like three years. Ah three years. TIME!

It's along and under the Yamanote tracks between Ueno and Okachimachi stations. Things I like besides markets: train tracks, bridges, places under train tracks and bridges, alleyways, stray cats near garbage cans at night. I also like tin-can stoves so I'm basically a hobo.

Ameyoko wasn't tons of excitement but it had cool side streets and alleys and roughnecks eating noodles outdoors!

And that kind of old 70s/80s Tokyo vibe that I sometimes run into on the east side of the city. Like in Koiwa.

Yeah!

Some stuff is cheap here. Big packs of dried fruit, big packs of nori, octopus legs, hairbrushes...

...beans... Heads UP, anyone who's thinking of moving to Japan, beans be fuckin pricey.

etc.

Ten buxx for shoez

Rickety tables, ramen, stray cat, brick road, the city still loves me.

Ahhh before I go home I have to be a yankii superstar for one day.

This Old Sweater

I am not a fan of cropped leggings AT ALL and this photo shows me they are not doing my rather shapely legs any favors but I still dig this today. My 90s brown lace-up ankle boots were the killer but I was too lazy to get them in a photo. P.S. this picture is exactly what I feel like lately.

ANIME

Sometimes people assume I came to Japan because I was interested in something like samurai or anime. When I was studying Japanese in college, classmates would always assume I was into anime, like that was the only reason anyone would be in that class. Gross. In general, Anime + Me = No.

There's some Japanese animation I like. I think it would be hard to dislike Cowboy Bebop. I watched most of the series a few years ago. It has a modern, elegant, catchy aesthetic, great music, and that classic kind of urban space noir vibe that I love but can't ever explain. (And no, not like Blade Runner, harder to explain than that.)

And obviously Hayao Miyazaki is amazing. I have an incredible amount of respect for him. He stands for such goodness in his work. It blows my mind. I can't think of any other product for children with such incredible female characters, such co-operative relationships between boys and girls. His stories strive for a higher philosophical standard than you could ever hope to find in other films for young people, and many films for adults. I'm actually not an evangelical fan of his work but I do seriously believe that.

Princess Mononoke is one of the best films I've ever seen. Now I want to watch it again...

But that's basically as far as my anime sympathies go.

Everyone likes Evangelion. I know it from the t-shirts of anime geeks back home. And everyone likes it in Japan, I guess. I've had two Japanese friends talk to me about Evangelion this week. It sounds a little interesting but I doubt I'll go there. I don't know, I'm just not into it.



And wayyy down at the bottom, here, is probably the root of my inability to get down with the anime. I hate everything about Dragonball. I cannot understand the appeal. I don't really even understand how it's entertaining to children because it looks so fucking boring. And when I was little, old Japanese animation like this scared the shit out of me, especially with the creepy fake-sounding dubbed voices.

"This is a Super Saiyan. And this...THIS is what is known as a Super Saiyan that has ascended PAST a Super Saiyan! OR, you could just call this a Super Saiyan TWO."

Do you like anime?

Offensive Train Behavior

Putting on make-up on the train is considered rude. I don't get this. The only reasoning I've heard is that you disrespect other people by acting like you're alone in your house thus pretending they're not there. I don't get it. Anyway we have other problems. Here are the top five examples of very common train behavior that I find really offensive. I spend three hours a day on trains now, so pardon the bratty bitching.

5. Bad breath.

Brush your fucking teeth. Fuck. How old are you? It smells like you've had a dead fish stuck in your throat all week. Whenever that rotten breeze hits my nose I think about how I'm actually breathing your nasty exhaled cat-breath into my own lungs and I want to barf.

4. Reading porn.

Hi, I'm a middle-aged businessman in a suit. I look so respectable. I am a pillar of society. The best part of my day is when I stop by the station kiosk to pick up the latest copy of my favorite shitty soft-core porn comic book full of junior high schoolgirls in sexual situations, then sit down on the train in the middle of all the real-life junior high schoolgirls and flip through it in front of them. Adult men like me just want young girls to know, HEY! Little ladies! We're thinking about fucking you! So if you're thinking you can look to us for advice or guidance or support in life, well, we're thinking about fucking you.

3. Sleeping on me.

Dear stupid gross jerk from last week: Hilarious! -- how you kept uncontrollably dozing off and slumping all the way over onto me over and over no matter how hard I woke you up with my elbow or pushed you upright, and then when another seat opened and I moved, you suddenly sat up and started intently playing your DS.

2. Using me as a recliner.

This one is bad because it's painful and mean. It only happens once in awhile on packed trains. These guys hold onto the handle and then relax by leaning their bodies back, putting all their weight on the back of the person behind them. Has this ever happened to you? It's so uncomfortable, it pushes your body forward and you can't do anything about it because there's nowhere to move and you can't push back much against the entire body weight of someone bigger and heavier than you when you've got no leverage. If it's really bad I'll bust out the elbows but they just ignore it -- one even scowled over his shoulder at me. But I can see they've got space in front of them to stand up straight. They just want to lean. It's so selfish! :(

1. Picking your nose.

They don't just pick their noses, these guys! They dig, without shame, head held high, mouth wide open, sometimes for several minutes, stopping to inspect whatever they've got on their fingers, dusting their hands out in front of them to spread their booger-dust everywhere. SERIOUSLY WTF. This is the only thing that will make me give up a seat on my long commute. I wear a lot of black. One sprinkling was enough.

Let's go shopping!

Blurry fitting room photos, oh, the pleasure's all mine.

Hey, you have tits? Have fun shopping in Japan, NOT. Ewww. Crack-cleavage is not my style. Japan, I have a hard time feeling good when your size M tops turn me into this. It's not like they're fucking huge! I'm a C cup (C+?) and I can't buy bras here. Sucks. Moving on.

I fell in love with these floral, do we call them jumpsuits? -- the moment they started popping up in early spring, but just as predicted they are now the official girls' Tokyo uniform. I don't care if somebody else is wearing what I'm wearing but it can get out of hand here. Like everyone's on the same massive dance team. Still, I like these enough to try some on. The problem is that they kind of all follow the same few patterns, and if the waistline/drawstring/belt doesn't suit your height/torso, you get a big saggy ass. There are a lot of big saggy asses in Tokyo at the moment. I took a picture of mine but the world's polluted enough.

For some reason the short versions are more flexible. This one has a drawstring waist that I can cinch right above my hips with no, you know, unfortunate shortage of fabric in the crotch area. And nooo, I do not recommend accessorizing these with glasses, my eyes are itchy today shut up.

Sweet! Now I can stop worrying so much about keeping my legs together!