NOW I'M IN JAPAN

NOW I'M IN NEW YORK

2011-09-30T13:28:00.010+09:00

I didn't know how to break it to you, but I did leave Japan.

Oh, man, it was hard. I can't tell you how hard it was. That's probably why I haven't been near this blog in so long. I mean that was an awful process, leaving Tokyo. I had so much to love there. I cried all the way to LAX. By the time I got to Portland, I felt fine. It wasn't the shock I expected. It was quieter and it took me awhile to realize, like I realize now, that my heart is still aching.

What is wrong with me? That's what I was thinking in those last few weeks. Why would I come to this place and work so hard to find these people I love so much and this life where I can do anything I want? Why would I do that and then force myself to leave it? Why am I hittin' myself? Why'm I hittin' myself?

I don't know why! I was so weary and grateful and devastated during those last days. On my date of departure, I drank coffee in Koenji with someone I cared about very much. When that person left the shop, my Tokyo life was over. There were no more friends to see and I was just waiting for my flight to leave. I couldn't stand that feeling, so I wiped my nose, cleared my table, picked up my bag, and walked across the street to get on the train.

And I'd go to Oregon and be with my family and my dog and my rivers and trees and bay, and I'd have a beautiful summer and I wouldn't cry for that other life much at all.

And a few months later it would be September and I'd be in New York and feeling lost. Here's now, and it's a strange moment to be in. I love being back in America. But nothing can take away this ache in my heart for the streets I walked, the trains I rode, the drinks I drank, the friends I loved, the city where I once said "I found myself in the white-hot nucleus of my youth!" Haha. Oh, Tokyo. You'll forget me and I can't help it, but I will remember our love forever.

Well, anyway. Now I'm in New York. Stay in touch and check back with my new blog here and/or on tumblr. Let's do it.

Degas in Yokohama

2011-05-31T20:52:00.001+09:00

Months ago I went to see the Degas exhibition at Yokohama Art Museum. I just realized I don't know the difference between exhibit and exhibition.

That's the museum, that's all I've got. Hey, sometimes when you live in a big city for awhile, you get used to it and you get bored and you forget about all the cool shit that big cities get, like in museums, like paintings and fossils and artifacts. I try to get out once in awhile and catch whatever's in town. Or just the dinosaur bones in the Nature and Science Museum.

It was just getting cold that day.

Rooftops, Patios

2011-05-31T18:22:00.002+09:00

Most people might have figured this out sooner than I did, but the top floors and rooftops of department stores in Tokyo almost always feature an indoor/outdoor space to chill out up high, drink some coffee, read a book, smoke a cigarette, whatever. There are benches, plants, and usually a decent view.

This is from the 12th floor of Takashimaya Times Square on the South side of Shinjuku Station, overlooking Shinjuku Park. You can test your cred by picking out the distant landmarks of all the neighborhoods you've been drunk in. Or taken walks or something, whatever, I don't know what you sickos get up to.

One floor up is a patio space. The top three floors are all restaurants and cafes so you can grab a coffee, although after nearly 3 years in Japan I still make a face at paying $4 for a little cup of iced sludge.

I've always had a weird relationship with Shinjuku.

Rainy Shin-Okubo

2011-05-23T17:03:00.002+09:00

I know usually when it rains you can't be fucked to go out, but then sometimes you do and it's beautiful.

AKB48

2011-05-16T15:41:00.008+09:00

There are 56 members in the idol group AKB48. The members are all girls aged 12 to 24. AKB stands for Akihabara, where the group was invented, and where they perform for creeps on the 8th floor of Don Quixote every day.

AKB48 members usually appear as schoolgirls, popping cute little blinky faces and wiggling their limbs in talent-show dance moves. When they are not dressed in school uniforms, they're dressed in bikinis or sexy (but sweet) lingerie.

AKB48 is often used to promote products, and you see images of the group in convenience stores, on train platforms, on magazine covers, on drink bottles. Sometimes it seems like AKB48 is everywhere. This distresses me because in my dreams, Akihabara is a quarantine for this kind of gross lolita bullshit. In reality, Akihabara leaks heavily.

About a year ago, my junior high school and high school students started showing up with AKB cds and writing in their class journals about going to the convenience store to buy chocolates to get collector's cards with AKB members on them. How many times I have watched groups of 12 year old boys unfold the jackets of AKB48 cds to exclaim over photos of the girls in thigh-high fishnets and skimpy pastel bras and panties making pouty porno-moe faces. And how many times I've heard 12 year old girls discuss which AKB member is the cutest.

This is a group that was invented specifically for otaku men who fetishize young girls. The idea was to assemble a bunch of fresh young female faces and bodies to be sexually idolized, and keep them close and accessible to the guys who idolized them. AKB48's fans get chances to meet them at events in Akihabara all the time, and, like most idol groups, AKB48 makes it a point to acknowledge its otaku fanbase and ply them with sweet comments like "I consider myself an otaku, as well!"

Choose your favorite member and pretend she's looking at you while she drinks juice!

Akihabara bothers me. Idol groups like this bother me. Adults drooling over young girls bothers me. Encouraging cuteness as a major female virtue bothers me. That a sizable portion of men in the world can only think of girls as a mystifying and intimidating species, approachable only when they act like talking cupcake babies, bothers me. But AKB48 in particular bothers me.

Kiss me...

It's disturbing that someone can create a product as a porno fantasy for men who like underage girls, and then, having cornered that market, push the same product onto children through heavy mainstream exposure with singalong songs on the radio and advertising tied to bottled soft drinks, chocolates, and snacks. It bothers me that parents of young boys and girls aren't disturbed by the idea of their kids sipping this sickly sweet lolicon brew.

Shopping Arcade

2011-04-24T21:00:00.002+09:00

After midnight in Kichijoji.

Salad Party in Omotesando

2011-04-24T20:48:00.004+09:00

Chicken, salad, drinks, art, a veranda and a view.

That was a lovely winter day.

Saki no Yu, Shirahama

2011-04-24T12:30:00.002+09:00

The first time I came to Japan on a summer homestay, some friends of my host family took me on an overnight trip to Shirahama in Wakayama prefecture. That weekend is one of my most vivid memories of Japan. We went by car from Osaka. Shirahama is a popular beach and hot spring town and it's packed in the summer, but I was really charmed by the little white beach and all of the retro hotels, none built more recently than the 80s. We checked into an inn, where the bathtub faucet drew water from the surrounding hot springs. I don't love the smell of sulfur but this detail was so novel and cool. We had a big course lunch at the hotel and then walked along the beach. The next day we spend the morning and early afternoon at the beach, then headed back to Osaka by way of some really gorgeous wild mountain roads. We stopped at a place where there was a forest museum and a little shop selling charcoal products. I can't forget, though, that I thought I was gonna die on the drive home because the guy's driving was CRAZY and the wheels kept crossing the white line at the edge of these high mountain roads, ugh! Kansai drivers! I didn't really know the people I was with -- it was an older Japanese ceramics artist, his Japanese-American friend, her American husband, their American niece or something, and a little Japanese boy. We got along okay without really bonding. It's funny that I remember it as one of the best trips I ever went on and in the six years since I have been dying to get back down there one more time. And I just did!

sakino-yu, shirahama, a photo by hopemeng on Flickr.

This time I made it to Saki no Yu, an outdoor hot spring in Shirahama, one of the top 3 in Japan I guess. Look at it! It's amazing! A week ago I was in that far pool at the edge of the ocean, naked and simmered and splashed by the waves, yelling "POSEIDON!" It was excellent. I've wanted to go to this famous onsen for a long time and now I've been and it was awesome. Mid-April was the perfect time to go to Shirahama. No crowds at all, and it was just warm enough to kick back.

Here Comes the Sun

2011-04-24T12:16:00.001+09:00

I'm ready, are you?

DARKNESS!

2011-03-22T23:35:00.005+09:00

I've often complained about Japan being too bright. I like low brassy light, soft lamps or whatever. In Japan, cafes and bars and restaurants and drugstores and grocery stores are equally super florescent.

Post-earthquake/tsunami, we've been threatened with blackouts, so everyone's trying to save power, and the city's been dimmed. At first I sort of liked it -- and still kind of do, I mean, my eyes are spared the usual florescent assault, and we're saving electricity, and it gives a sense of community, kind of, like we're all working together to get through this.

Then I went to Shinjuku tonight, and here was the neon jungle, switched off, in the dark.

You know where this is. It's where Bill Murray first arrives in Lost In Translation -- one of the most recognized tacky blinking flashing electric vistas in Tokyo. And now the screens and signs are shut off, and you can barely see the faces of the loiterers.

It's spooky. See Kimura Takuya up there atop the ALTA? He's been there for as long as I can remember. He is the holy guardian of the East Exit and his majesty is now cloaked in shadow! You get used to seeing things as they essentially are, and then you see them like this, and it makes you uneasy. You know?

Here in Tokyo, we're just reading the news, hoping for the best, mourning for those up north. Some have left for other countries or for the south. Some of us still have emergency bags packed. Most of us are fielding scary emails from abroad, pleas to get away from here. It's a strange time to be here, but me and mine are okay, and I hope the same for everyone else. Best wishes, best luck.

Don Quixote

2011-03-09T00:46:00.004+09:00

If you buy a per-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-rsonal item at Don Quixote, it is lovingly wrapped in very discreet cloud-patterned paper. Then it goes into an opaque black bag. Duh. I guess ran into some apathetic cashiers in Shibuya on this particular day. Thanks, Donki. Let's have no shame. Surely my reputation was only mildly affected among salarymen-in-the-know as I wandered home.

Anytime Anywhere

2011-03-09T00:38:00.002+09:00

Where I come from, you can't buy booze after 2AM. In Japan, I sometimes head for the station at 6 in the morning past bars full of grisly owls still throwing back beers -- and hard liquor is sold alongside instant noodles and potato chips in convenience stores.

Now I'm Valentine's Day in Japan

2011-02-13T16:11:00.005+09:00

Valentine's Day in Japan is when girls give boys chocolate and love. One month later on White Day, 3/16, boys return the gesture. I would tell both holidays to blow me but, as you know, I like any holiday that calls for arts & crafts so I spent all last evening making rocky road and no-bake cookies and all this morning hand-making and -painting paper boxes to wrap it up in.

Last week a student asked, "Ms. Roeser, how many boyfriends do you have?" "About 507," I replied. That was a lie. I have a lot of extra chocolate in pretty boxes. Who's lonely? I can help.

Lookit'immm

2011-02-11T22:58:00.002+09:00

The only endearing thing ever found near Tennozu-Isle Station. There were many good-natured construction workers on the job that afternoon. I saw them posing for photos for each other.

LEST YOU FORGET

2011-02-11T22:54:00.003+09:00

What, you don't love me anymore? YOU ARE MISTAKEN & I WILL CORRECT YOU.

I am the sweater king, I am the bathroom photo king, I am the snow prince when I feel like it!
Ever so more where that came from.

Sapporo Snow Festival

2011-02-09T20:41:00.010+09:00

I went to Sapporo this weekend with Selena and look how promptly I'm telling you about it!

So check it out -- that is one cold city. But it is very pretty, the people were warm and friendly, and they know what to do with a lot of snow -- party with it.

I guess the military brings in truckloads of snow and snow and snow to be piled and sculpted. There's Snoopy, and behind him Mister Potato Head, and behind him, men at work.

My companion instantly recognized this baseball player. I was like SWEET, GIANT SNOW GUY WITH CORN!

This is a pretty unbeatable picture of Selena on the ferris wheel. Mountains! Mountains!

Dreamy guy sculpting an ice Pegasus with a chainsaw while a cheesy beer ad mirrors our delight. You're welcome.

Let me tell you about highballs in Japan. I came to Japan two years ago drinking whiskey and soda. A few months after I arrived, Suntory started this HIGHBALL ad campaign. A highball according to Suntory is Suntory scotch, soda, and lemon. The campaign was so giant and successful that now when I go to a bar EVERYONE is ordering highballs. There are special HIGHBALL BARS. What? Even this snowy festival has an ice sculpture devoted to highballs. The thing is, at some places, like big chain izakaya, if you order a highball, you get the cheapest scotch in a big mug of soda with a squirt of sweetened lemon syrup and a slice of lemon. Sugary and nast. So it's smarter to order whatever whiskey you want, plus soda. Then you have to explain to the table why you ordered a whiskey and soda instead of a "highball." Okay, every time I explain this, I can't remember why I'm annoyed by the highballs in Japan thing, but nevertheless, I usually am.

Whoa! Giant owls and foxes or something with a big snow building!

But you know what I really came for, right? FUCK YEAH!

Dinosaurs, man!

Yes! Dinosaurs!

The dinosaur centerpiece commits a minor faux pas...

MINOR? OMG IT GETS ME EVERY TIME! STEGGY! This video is the sole reason Stegosaurus is my favorite dinosaur.

If you're in Japan, fly around. I've gone to Kobe and Sapporo for about 20,000JPY using Skymark. You can reserve tickets online and buy them at a convenience store with your reservation number. Flying long distance within Japan is often cheaper than taking trains!

Make it moist, damp

2011-01-18T21:27:00.006+09:00

This hideous appliance is a PET bottle humidifier I bought very cheaply with very little faith. If you're prone to dry skin and you want to move to Japan, watch out! Winter in Tokyo is so, so, so, so dry. I don't know how it is for everyone, but around late November here my nails start breaking off, my hair is parched, and my skin, ugh! Last year my skin got so dry it cracked. My back and my hips were just awful. I tried everything but a humidifier, because being from one of the wettest places on earth I kind of didn't really know what a humidifier was? But it has changed my life! My skin feels amazing!

I should have bought some sleek ceramic number like this I guess. It looks kind of psychedelic to me. If I designed humidifiers I would obviously start with dragons and stoner gnomes, but whatevs. Anyway, humidifiers are sold everywhere here. Which makes sense. Because it's so dry. I could have figured this whole thing out a bit faster. I spike mine with a peppermint, frankincense, rosemary and lemon essential oil blend. Happiness. So I have got winter DOWN, man. Electric blanket, humidifier, Vaseline lotion from home, Heat Tech leggings/tights/undershirts = this is under control.

Edit: Hahaha of course someone has already made a dragon humidifier, duh. But I think we have a lot more places to go with this...

I work out in the fucking suburbs, way out in the suburbs. I hate suburbs. But almost any place looks pretty once at least in awhile, if you can see the sky or the ocean. You know why? Because Earth is an awesome planet. Try to remember that once a day.

I'M BACK!

2011-01-12T19:31:00.006+09:00

I am! I am SUPER back, because it's 2011 and it's MY LIFE, man! So I have two more months of tedious exams and stinky breath on trains, but to those things I say WHATEVS. I've got good bones for a good life and all the boring stuff can blow me.

Hey, fuck you, desk! You're not important! You didn't create me! You're not my life! I have better things to look at!

Like long lonely winter corridors, like long lonely walks under tracks at night with my headphones on and my boot heels in the background! That's better. That's what I want to do. Miles of that > hours of desk, DEF.

And SUNSETS! Over MOUNTAINS! Over BALCONIES! I'll take that.

And BOOZE? And TIGHTS? And FLORAL SHEETS? Yes, these are good.

Art museums, also welcome!

Oceans, bays, rivers, you are always number one. You are number one! Walks, nights, booze, beds, tights, bays, dreams, fits, trips, smoke, sun, AFTERNOONS, film, rock, and big yellow sweater. You are all number one. It's 2011, and I'm still 25, and I'm not gonna be in Tokyo forever. Hit it!

Golden Gai

2010-11-23T19:59:00.003+09:00

Love this picture Amanda took of Yusuke and me in Golden Gai. Golden Gai is a famous block in Shinjuku packed with tiny little bars that used to be brothels. If you can't speak Japanese, it's not really worth the table fee most of these places charge you to sit and drink -- you can find similar 5-seat dives at almost any station in Tokyo. If you can speak conversational Japanese and like paying table charges, there are some really good places in here. Good luck finding them and then remembering them. I have lost two great bars in Golden Gai.

If you CAN'T speak Japanese, go walk through Golden Gai at night anyway. The atmosphere is awesome if you're a sucker for time-warps. Probably one of the funnest walks you can take on the planet is from Shinjuku Station, out the East Exit, amble through the smoker's island, cross over to ALTA, pass through the red gates, swim through the river of hosts, and head south to Golden Gai. This walk is the best. Just pay attnetion and don't do anything I would do.

WINTERTIME

2010-11-21T14:11:00.004+09:00

Early November.

Late November.

My mom got me this fake fur coat. It's the darkest dark chocolate color and so warm and I wore it for the first time last night and I fucking love it. This photo doesn't do justice, but I rocked my world so hard with this outfit. It was so comfortable, striking, and fun to walk in. I got these boots from Hanjiro in Kichijoji for only about $11. They are simple and perfect.

It's winter. It's my last winter in Japan, actually. But I can see Mt. Fuji from my house.

Children's Toys for One Coin!

2010-11-04T21:46:00.004+09:00

If you know any children with birthdays coming up and you're on a budget you should definitely check out the one-coin shops where you can get awesome toys for like a buck fifty each!

Well, this one is actually double the price. But I mean, duh, you can't have your kids just be huffing any old can of chemicals.

Awesome! This was between little stuffed animals and generic Nerf guns. Your little girl can display it on her waist or bag!

Little stamps! Little boxes!

2010-10-27T19:48:00.007+09:00

This year I finally got a hanko, the magical little stamp that proves your identity anytime you deal with official paperwork in Japan. And today I finally got a case for it. Too bad I already chipped it, which will probably result in my being deported. Like I'll go stamp something from Amazon and they'll be like "WHAT! is this little GAP IN YOUR STAMP! There was no gap in the last one! Holy shit counterfeit, this is a serious problem. You must not be who you say you are! You cannot have this package." And I'll be like "oh my god are you kidding me? Here, look at my foreigner's card and my passport and my health insurance card and my bank card and my employee's card, dude it's me I promise." And they'll be like, "Well, miss, that's some straight-up evidence you've got there, and I see here that you have used this strange and inimitable handwritten signature of yours many times, so there should really be no question that it's you. Unfortunately this little stamp -- which your co-worker actually went and got for you in your name for about 15 bucks -- is the only true key to confirming your identity, so I'm afraid this spells doom for all future endeavors that require you to be yourself." "Fuck!" Oh, hanko. You make all the sense in the world. Nice case, though!

Look, little candies in cute boxes! Now stuffed in an envelope that has been sealed, addressed, and waiting to be sent for one month plus. Exotic old-fashioned packaging, labels in another language, thrill me no less today than when I was little. I love them! I could buy entire grocery stores when I'm abroad, I love foreign labels so much.

It got cold today. Winter! Why are you like this? I just ordered an electric blanket. I expect us to be best friends. I hate winter here! There is no escape from the stupid cold. It's impossible to insulate these cardboard walls and as soon as you turn off the space heater the cold rushes back in. There is no escape, absolutely no escape, no safe place to shave your legs or put on lotion. Conditions so harsh even I am compelled to keep my pants on as often as possible. I ordered this blanket from AMAZON JAPAN which is viewable in English, has free shipping, lets you schedule delivery and pay in cash when stuff arrives. For every nuisance there's a convenience. Talkin' bout you, Japan. P.S. Amazon doesn't require a hanko, I carelessly made that up.

I went to Kobe and Osaka

2010-10-20T21:55:00.006+09:00

I hadn't been down there in years! My first summer in Japan was down in Kansai-land. I loved it so much. Then Tokyo vacuumed me up. But old Amanda lives down there, so I went callin. Dude, my card reader is busted! I stole all these from Amanda.

The Hankyu trains are so cool looking inside! Wood paneling? Teal seats? Please. But Amanda was distracted by my angelic beauty so this is all you get. By the way, my favorite train line to ride in Tokyo is the Seibu-Shinjuku line. I like the orange seats and how it goes down really narrow alley-like tracks with houses and trees on either side. And every time I ride it, something cool happens.

This photo. Jesus. Twenty years from now I will look at this. And all that smoke in my hair, all the booze on the street, all the ruined stockings, and all the hangovers will wash over me in an awesome wave. Ahhh, youth! My youth! Also right after this photo was taken we ended up picking up three really sweet boys for all-night karaoke. They gave us a ride home at dawn, with a designated driver and everything! We all sang Lady Gaga in the car. It was the loveliest, most harmonious spontaneous sunrise road trip. The hills were so beautiful. So when you look at that photo, know that my life methods = CONSTANT VICTORIES!

We planned an all-nighter in Osaka but it got cut short. We went long enough to eat 500 yen roasted crab. It's like, Aw fuck yeah crab! But then it was kind of dry and bland. Waste of a poor crab's leg. If you slay an animal, make it tasty.

Amanda was surprisingly quick to grab the crab hats. Amanda, I did not know you were a silly hat fan. But I can deal with this, I'm not threatened. I'm not threatened by a paper crab hat.

GIVE ME YOUR MAGNETIC POETRY

I'm back home and I have bangs! And yes I live in this sweater now.

Neglected Photos

2010-09-26T22:45:00.001+09:00

I was just going through neglected photos and I still marvel at the cute little bitter mess I was in Yamagata. Look at me. Look at that face. Look at that hair. The work clothes. The parka. The cigarette. The cold. Sorry. I will never get over that winter. Move on to some more forgotten photos.

Team Clean

My first night in Yamagata. How things change! If you put me back there now I'd already have one of those cans shoved halfway into my mouth and I'd still be bitching about something. Hahahaha. A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together.

How to have shoes. Thanks, box!

Pains me to think I missed one fucking epic tantrum in the stockyard.

Do you wonder that I'm high strung?

I do appreciate the veranda.

I don't miss elementary school lunches.

Sick __ Japan

2010-09-21T14:26:00.007+09:00

I fucking hate going to the doctor. I hate it in America and I hate it in Japan. I hate Japanese clinics especially. I have National Health Insurance and I don't know if I'm just going to public health clinics or what but every time I go to a clinic in Tokyo it looks like some fucking neglected bankrupt funeral home chapel entryway or something. They're not dirty at all, they're just really run-down with peeling wallpaper, low lighting, old carpets, and more often than not, faded artificial flowers, just like, you know, the ones in cemeteries.

I don't know why I'm so outraged by this, I mean I'm always preaching the grunge... maybe it's just that in a country where you can't get a cup of coffee without 5,000 watts of fluorescent light blasting down to prove how clean the tables are (and how marked your blemishes) you would think that any place offering any kind of medical care would at least keep the paint fresh. Maybe when I'm sick and miserable enough to go to the doctor I want to feel like I'm actually in a medical facility, not some sketchy old cat lady's parlor. This is like the fifth time I've been to one of these clinics and they are easily the five dingiest looking places I have seen in Japan. That's counting dive bars.

And every time you get sick in Japan they're like GO TO THE DOCTOR GO TO THE DOCTOR! Then you go to the doctor and here's what happens.

Doctor: What's the matter?
You: [wheezing in your face-mask, swaying in your chair, eyes half-lidded, voice raspy] I have a fever of 39.5, chills, my throat is really swollen and it hurts to swallow, my body is aching, I have terrible nausea, I'm super tired, it hurts to move...
Doctor: Sooo, you caught a cold!
You: Ummm, well there's a big flu outbreak where I work, so...
Doctor: Ah! Let me look at your throat. Ah, yes. Very swollen. Okay! So I will give you some medicine for fever and throat pain. Please wait a moment.
You: ...okay, well, I can't go back to work if it's the flu, so do you think it's the flu?
Doctor: Oh, sure.

Then you pay like $14 for a bunch of little paper bags full of pills that you have to take three at a time three times a day for five days or something.

Is this just like, the experience I'm stuck with if I'm using National Health Insurance? Or can someone recommend a good place for regular medical care in Tokyo?

Sob!

2010-08-31T21:27:00.003+09:00

This eyeliner is wicked. The felt tip is easy to use and it stays on forever. I bought it for the fab cheesy retro package, though, which reminds me of weird anime movie covers that used to creep me out in rental shops as a kid.

Summer Stray

2010-08-31T20:45:00.003+09:00

I love stray cats. They make me feel all big city, big city. Hey, I'm back in Japan!

She's BLUFFING

2010-08-11T15:47:00.007+09:00

I took a picture with my phone today! I have 7 days left in Oregon. Look, I'm wearing sneakers. Usually I feel weird in sneakers and in white but I am making an exception for these. I think white Keds make a girl's calves look pretty. I wore these with a little black floral dress and a redwood-colored sweater. But I like this picture because it makes me look like a little yuppie with a seaside summer home.

Vacation

2010-08-05T05:28:00.006+09:00

I'm in America right now. I wanted to blog through my stay but I forgot my card reader thing! I'll be here thrift shopping and reading by the beach for a couple more weeks.

This is an 1882 photo of a young Navajo guy, before and after. Can you believe that?

This week I get to go look for a trailer!

Streets are UNEVEN

2010-07-06T20:13:00.003+09:00

I always get more followers whenever I post tourist-friendly or Japan-centric stuff like ANIME or AMEYOKO. That is fine. You know when I liked this blog, though, is when it was all about my big yellow sweater and some music videos. And I can only just hope to subconsciously try to stay gold in this new life I lead.

PEOPLE ARE S T R A N G E
when you're a STRANGER
FACES LOOK UGLY
WHEN YOU'RE ALONE
women seem wicked
WHEN YOU'RE UNWANTed

STREEEETS ARE UNNNEVENNN WHEN YOU'RE DOWN

WHEN YOU'RE STRANGE

faces come out of the rain

when you're strange

no one remembers your name

when you're strange

when you're strange

when you're

Help

2010-06-28T22:14:00.005+09:00

Nice view.

I got this rose for my birthday but it just wouldn't listen.

Tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored,tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored, tired, bored

What an awesome planet.

2010-06-22T22:35:00.004+09:00

Okay I know this has nothing to do with "JAPAN" or whatever but have you ever thought about MOUNTAIN LIONS? Just do that for a second.

Cougars have got to be the most under-appreciated animal in America. There are tons of them in the western states like in Oregon but I don't think people really get that they exist. It's a fucking lion, dude. Look at it. We have lions. Wild lions in the forests. Not in Africa, or in the zoo. We've got serious huge native lions. How fucking intense is that? And we don't even think about it. So just think about it. I love you, planet.

My BIGGEST FAN!

2010-06-22T21:07:00.001+09:00

Summertime, we get kinky.

SMOKIN

2010-06-19T14:47:00.003+09:00

Tokyo Moe Jared already posted this but it's not like we can have too much. HELLO! Look at it! I thought it was pretty dorky when I just saw the flier on the left, but when I saw the full-body ad a couple days later, I realized smoking is the coolest thing on earth. Who is the target demographic here? My co-worker said "Gays, duh." I was still surprised. I mean duh this is gay but I didn't know it was something any significant number of Japanese men would go for and I didn't know a major cigarette brand would brand itself so 100% gay in a blanket ad campaign. And it's not like I've ever known Japanese concepts of GAY to match my concepts of GAY. If someone told me this was going for the tween girl demographic I wouldn't even be surprised. Whatevs. Go Winston Japan. I love this ad.

P.S. note the portable ashtray hanging from his belt loop. Beefed up and polite, that's how I like them.

Ameyoko

2010-06-19T14:29:00.007+09:00

I love marketplaces. SO MUCH. So I've been meaning to go to Ameyoko, the street near Ueno Station that served as a black market after World War II, for like three years. Ah three years. TIME!

It's along and under the Yamanote tracks between Ueno and Okachimachi stations. Things I like besides markets: train tracks, bridges, places under train tracks and bridges, alleyways, stray cats near garbage cans at night. I also like tin-can stoves so I'm basically a hobo.

Ameyoko wasn't tons of excitement but it had cool side streets and alleys and roughnecks eating noodles outdoors!

And that kind of old 70s/80s Tokyo vibe that I sometimes run into on the east side of the city. Like in Koiwa.

Yeah!

Some stuff is cheap here. Big packs of dried fruit, big packs of nori, octopus legs, hairbrushes...

...beans... Heads UP, anyone who's thinking of moving to Japan, beans be fuckin pricey.

etc.

Ten buxx for shoez

Rickety tables, ramen, stray cat, brick road, the city still loves me.

Ahhh before I go home I have to be a yankii superstar for one day.

This Old Sweater

2010-06-15T02:06:00.004+09:00

I am not a fan of cropped leggings AT ALL and this photo shows me they are not doing my rather shapely legs any favors but I still dig this today. My 90s brown lace-up ankle boots were the killer but I was too lazy to get them in a photo. P.S. this picture is exactly what I feel like lately.

ANIME

2010-06-13T13:22:00.007+09:00

Sometimes people assume I came to Japan because I was interested in something like samurai or anime. When I was studying Japanese in college, classmates would always assume I was into anime, like that was the only reason anyone would be in that class. Gross. In general, Anime + Me = No.

There's some Japanese animation I like. I think it would be hard to dislike Cowboy Bebop. I watched most of the series a few years ago. It has a modern, elegant, catchy aesthetic, great music, and that classic kind of urban space noir vibe that I love but can't ever explain. (And no, not like Blade Runner, harder to explain than that.)

And obviously Hayao Miyazaki is amazing. I have an incredible amount of respect for him. He stands for such goodness in his work. It blows my mind. I can't think of any other product for children with such incredible female characters, such co-operative relationships between boys and girls. His stories strive for a higher philosophical standard than you could ever hope to find in other films for young people, and many films for adults. I'm actually not an evangelical fan of his work but I do seriously believe that.

Princess Mononoke is one of the best films I've ever seen. Now I want to watch it again...

But that's basically as far as my anime sympathies go.

Everyone likes Evangelion. I know it from the t-shirts of anime geeks back home. And everyone likes it in Japan, I guess. I've had two Japanese friends talk to me about Evangelion this week. It sounds a little interesting but I doubt I'll go there. I don't know, I'm just not into it.

And wayyy down at the bottom, here, is probably the root of my inability to get down with the anime. I hate everything about Dragonball. I cannot understand the appeal. I don't really even understand how it's entertaining to children because it looks so fucking boring. And when I was little, old Japanese animation like this scared the shit out of me, especially with the creepy fake-sounding dubbed voices.

"This is a Super Saiyan. And this...THIS is what is known as a Super Saiyan that has ascended PAST a Super Saiyan! OR, you could just call this a Super Saiyan TWO."

Do you like anime?

Offensive Train Behavior

2010-06-02T22:33:00.004+09:00

Putting on make-up on the train is considered rude. I don't get this. The only reasoning I've heard is that you disrespect other people by acting like you're alone in your house thus pretending they're not there. I don't get it. Anyway we have other problems. Here are the top five examples of very common train behavior that I find really offensive. I spend three hours a day on trains now, so pardon the bratty bitching.

5. Bad breath.

Brush your fucking teeth. Fuck. How old are you? It smells like you've had a dead fish stuck in your throat all week. Whenever that rotten breeze hits my nose I think about how I'm actually breathing your nasty exhaled cat-breath into my own lungs and I want to barf.

4. Reading porn.

Hi, I'm a middle-aged businessman in a suit. I look so respectable. I am a pillar of society. The best part of my day is when I stop by the station kiosk to pick up the latest copy of my favorite shitty soft-core porn comic book full of junior high schoolgirls in sexual situations, then sit down on the train in the middle of all the real-life junior high schoolgirls and flip through it in front of them. Adult men like me just want young girls to know, HEY! Little ladies! We're thinking about fucking you! So if you're thinking you can look to us for advice or guidance or support in life, well, we're thinking about fucking you.

3. Sleeping on me.

Dear stupid gross jerk from last week: Hilarious! -- how you kept uncontrollably dozing off and slumping all the way over onto me over and over no matter how hard I woke you up with my elbow or pushed you upright, and then when another seat opened and I moved, you suddenly sat up and started intently playing your DS.

2. Using me as a recliner.

This one is bad because it's painful and mean. It only happens once in awhile on packed trains. These guys hold onto the handle and then relax by leaning their bodies back, putting all their weight on the back of the person behind them. Has this ever happened to you? It's so uncomfortable, it pushes your body forward and you can't do anything about it because there's nowhere to move and you can't push back much against the entire body weight of someone bigger and heavier than you when you've got no leverage. If it's really bad I'll bust out the elbows but they just ignore it -- one even scowled over his shoulder at me. But I can see they've got space in front of them to stand up straight. They just want to lean. It's so selfish! :(

1. Picking your nose.

They don't just pick their noses, these guys! They dig, without shame, head held high, mouth wide open, sometimes for several minutes, stopping to inspect whatever they've got on their fingers, dusting their hands out in front of them to spread their booger-dust everywhere. SERIOUSLY WTF. This is the only thing that will make me give up a seat on my long commute. I wear a lot of black. One sprinkling was enough.

Let's go shopping!

2010-06-02T18:22:00.005+09:00

Blurry fitting room photos, oh, the pleasure's all mine.

Hey, you have tits? Have fun shopping in Japan, NOT. Ewww. Crack-cleavage is not my style. Japan, I have a hard time feeling good when your size M tops turn me into this. It's not like they're fucking huge! I'm a C cup (C+?) and I can't buy bras here. Sucks. Moving on.

I fell in love with these floral, do we call them jumpsuits? -- the moment they started popping up in early spring, but just as predicted they are now the official girls' Tokyo uniform. I don't care if somebody else is wearing what I'm wearing but it can get out of hand here. Like everyone's on the same massive dance team. Still, I like these enough to try some on. The problem is that they kind of all follow the same few patterns, and if the waistline/drawstring/belt doesn't suit your height/torso, you get a big saggy ass. There are a lot of big saggy asses in Tokyo at the moment. I took a picture of mine but the world's polluted enough.

For some reason the short versions are more flexible. This one has a drawstring waist that I can cinch right above my hips with no, you know, unfortunate shortage of fabric in the crotch area. And nooo, I do not recommend accessorizing these with glasses, my eyes are itchy today shut up.

Sweet! Now I can stop worrying so much about keeping my legs together!

Cat Cafe

2010-05-31T21:24:00.007+09:00

So I went to a cat cafe in Shimokitazawa with two rad bloggers and none of us told the internet about it. A month later, sneak attack, I win. Did you have a good Monday? So have some cats.

The hand of Jen.

Selena and cats, HA I love this.

So you pay 1,000 yen for a cafe drink and an hour with cats.

They seem extremely pleased with life. It was surprisingly chill.

This is for Seasick Sarah. Hope you're surfing tough, boo.

FINALLY!

2010-05-22T17:46:00.005+09:00

MY FOURTH SUMMER IN JAPAN!

BUSTED

2010-05-11T10:57:00.002+09:00

A couple months ago I thought I had to take a new photo for my alien registration card and I was all excited to go into one of the photo booths and take a really creepy picture. It turned out I didn't need a new photo after all so I can give these away as prizes or something. I look pretty creepy right? I can do better. Let's use those photo booths to take mugshots.

Yes & Please!

2010-05-02T01:45:00.001+09:00

Also I LOVE THIS, can someone make my blog look like this all the time?

TOGA

2010-04-30T21:46:00.005+09:00

It was my birthday. I'm 25 now.

I built this eki on rock & roll

2010-04-20T18:52:00.005+09:00

I'm really sold on this waiting room, they look like they teach the science of chill.

STEP IN TIME, STEP IN TIME!

This poster looks like it was fun to put together. I've never seen a tipsy businessman with moves like that, though.

LET'S GO SHOPPING

2010-04-20T18:32:00.005+09:00

How many trips to Loft does it take to pick a bento box? It's a very important decision. You only have 2,000 yen. You have to figure out what kind of lunch you'll be packing. And how the box will fit in your bag. You know? And you really only need one. You're not gonna come buy another bento box. I couldn't decide so I just got the cheapest of the finalists.

"Im looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color.

It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (thats japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized.
And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux.

And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks).

OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that.

Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever.

I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)"

This is like my third choice, they were out of the slim one in green and out of this one in blue! But it has 2 kotoba and will take ii care of my kawaii gohan yo.

life has no beginning

2010-04-20T00:46:00.003+09:00

I'm suddenly addicted to these paper lotion moisture face masks, even though I can't read the package and rarely know exactly what I'm putting on my face. So far, so good.

That's what's in those packets. They were a hundred yen each so I thought I'd try them out and see if my face dies. And that yellow bottle is MOIST HAIR MILK. I am always so happy when I smell like my idealized vision of an elegant old Japanese grandmother -- recently I realized the people who tend to be smelling my hair here might not find that so delightful. Fuck 'em.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

2010-04-18T21:27:00.009+09:00

Yesterday it was fucking snowing. WTF. But today was beautiful. I tried to call my mom in the morning. She didn't answer, but her ring tone was Boston's Long Time/Foreplay. It put me in such a good mood. Let me share that with you.

Leaves! Leaves! Leaves! Summer! I'm ready!

I'm always relaxed and productive at this kissaten. I went there after lunch to work on lesson plans. I'm adjusting to a major lifestyle change this month. For the last year I've been working at a bottom-rung teaching job, part-time, miserable work, no money, and so much free time. It's been an extremely interesting. I'm not sure if you can tell or not. I know some of you can, haha.

I don't like jobs. I'm almost 25 and I still say that, and you shouldn't bother telling me to grow up. I want to live my weird life and write however I want and that's it. I just have to keep finding ways to get away with it. For now I'm compromising because I get my own class of older kids who speak native English and I get to teach them literary analysis however I want. I was hoping this would help ease the pain of waking up at 5:30 and getting home at 6:20 and going to bed at 10:30 and having no time to work on anything of my own. I was right. I don't have as much time to get into trouble but I am really fascinated with the way everything looks right now.

Plus, no more school lunch, so I get to pack my own! Don't make fun of it. You got camarones in your bento? Creo que no.

I also made cornbread today! It was so good. I love these cans of baking powder. I meant to learn to cook Japanese food in Japan but I didn't find it all that fun, for some reason.

Great Article on Japanese Host Clubs

2010-04-18T13:02:00.000+09:00

I forgot to publish this post. One of my top favorite Japan blogs, Tokyo Moe, shared a link to this great interview with a guy who does group portraits of hosts.

Japanese host clubs in photographs.
Or, "More Hair Than Face."

CNNGo: Where does that specific host style come from -- with the feathered hair, dark skin, etc.?

Numata: I think they are imitating popular male idols like those from Johnny's Jimusho. There is a lot of crossover with gyaru-o style. And I think they try to match their customers' style which is very gyaru. When I started taking pictures though, the hosts didn't look very gyaru-o. They just wore suits and didn't have that crazy feathered hair. There are still a lot of old-school hosts who look like enka singers. The guys before the gyaru-o came in looked like Takuya Kimura. The mainstream hosts now don't really have that fake tanned skin anymore though. It depends on the place, but there are many guys who look like Visual-kei bands too.

This seems so straightforward but I'd never thought about it before. What will hosts look like in twenty years?

NI-CHOME PART-NI

2010-04-17T19:24:00.003+09:00

Probably the most accurate so far in this series. I had been up for about 24 hours and was running on a pint of whiskey mixed with like, fruity Calpis or something? I know. Believe me. It took some serious peer pressure to choke that shit down in the middle of the street.

Special thanks to this guy for stopping with his posse to fab up the occasion. Free publicity for you, my fleeting friend:

That night was fuckin crackers.

Weekend = Much Better

2010-04-05T22:28:00.004+09:00

Fuck bad days!

1. Hanami in Inokashira Park with Amanda

2. Favorite ugly sweater + favorite old dress + cheap sunglasses + no makeup = YUSSS

3. Ganbanyoku. This was my third time. I love it. I want to do it all the time. It really does make your skin look and feel amazing.

4. Laser Hair Removal. I got it on my bikini line. It fucking hurt but I was stoked the whole time because how rad would it be to just forget about your bikini line forever? Sorry I don't have a picture for this, I should have showed you the blue scrunchy paper thong I got to wear.

5. Wild fucking animals

My Worst Day in Tokyo

2010-04-03T02:14:00.004+09:00

I woke up unstable and spent all day looking stupid in a stupid ponytail and a stupid outfit. I was stranded in Tokyo Station for almost two hours because all the trains to my destination were canceled due to mad winds and nobody could figure out whether to reschedule or what. I finally ended up taking two different trains for another hour to what seemed like the middle of nowhere and had to trip through puddles looking for a bus. The bus driver was really mean to me for no reason.

My bangs got all messed up in the wind and the clammy trains and I had to pin them back on a wild bus with a compact mirror balanced on my knee while I tried not to cry. The bus dropped me off someplacee I'd never been and I had to run around looking for my school, finally arriving to the meeting 40 minutes late.

Afterward I was advised to walk to a different station for a quicker trip home, avoiding delays. I got lost in the rainy back roads of the urban backwoods carrying a 10lb textbook with the wind blowing in my face, my eyes watering all my makeup off while I yowled to a friend over the phone.

I finally got to a station and shuffled onto the right color of train without paying attention. A half hour later found myself at the end of the line in Chiba. Heartbreak. I dragged myself off the train and across the platform to the one going in the right direction and refused to move. Until over an hour later when I realized I'd managed to take one of the trains that ends before my stop and was now heading back toward Tokyo.

This was the worst commuting day I've had yet in Tokyo but the worst part was being in a weepy awful mood the whole time and finding out my new co-workers are friendly and normal native English speakers and having to scramble to rediscover my social skills after a year of working in an isolated corner of hell. I was not so successful. I'm so excited about my new job but I must have made a horrible first impression because all I could think was Don't cry, don't cry, soon you'll be home eating scrambled eggs.

Today fucking sucked. Tomorrow: hanami, ganbanyoku, my first laser hair removal, and coffee. By 4PM I will be made of gold.

Low on Funds

2010-03-23T21:27:00.006+09:00

Downgrading from 88 yen Megmilk brand coffee jelly to 3 for 88 yen Meiji brand... cafe jelly? You see the difference. You must add your own cream. And it has less than a third of the calories. Now you know.

Ayabean asked me how my New Year's Resolutions were going and I realized I forgot to make any. I'm usually really into New Year's Resolutions. So I've just been making up late ones as I go along. 1. Cook more often. I'm so fucking lazy but I've been pretty into simple cooking lately. I should try more complicated things but I'm broke and I'm LAZY and I can eat anything. Apple & cinnamon grits! SATISFIED. (I can't believe anyone doubts how good this is? Look at it. Delicious.)

2. Wear normal eye makeup more often. I am a big fan of looking like a kinderwhore junkie garbage skeleton but see, I can be reasonable once in awhile. It makes me MySpace pout I guess, but. I like this picture and any other pictures of my dresses together. It's almost warm enough for flimsy dresses again! I can't wait to go shopping. How stoked do you think I am that jumpsuits are back?

I LOVE jumpsuits. Actually I'm into the cotton nineties-floral ones that will probably be on everyone this year like last-year's short floral skirt + white top + cheap black belt (BARF). But I can always get with disco so I hope I can find some of that, too.

Last note, while we're on disco, check this song. Cannot stop listening.

Shibuya Crossing

2010-03-22T02:03:00.008+09:00

Aya and I were at the Tsutaya Starbucks at Shibuya Crossing talking about what an important snapshot of Tokyo this is for most visitors. What's higher on the must-see list?

The giant screens on the skyscrapers playing weird commercials and blaring JPop, the obnoxiously dressed kids, the neatly timed stampedes through the giant crossing. It is pretty breathtaking. Everyone remembers that beautiful scene in Lost in Translation when Scarlett Johansson comes here on a rainy day and takes it in.

The Starbucks from which Sofia Coppola shot part of that scene is still one of the absolute best places to people-watch in Tokyo, especially with a friend.

One of the best and cheapest afternoons you'll spend here. It takes ages and nerve to get window seats, but it's worth it, because you can look down and JUDGE THE ENTIRE WORLD.

Stupid hat. Great hair. That's my type. Nanpa fail! What about him? Cute couple. Nice jacket. LOL college boys. Nooo, gyaruo spring fashion! They look fun. What's she going for? Epic socks!

This is nuss!

2010-03-22T00:20:00.004+09:00

Cashew Nuss?

WALLLNUSSSS.

DYLAN MCKAY IS MY TYPE

2010-03-21T03:47:00.004+09:00

I've been doing lots of stuff lately. I think. Haven't I? I feel like I have.

But I can't remember right now because it's almost 4AM and the wind is shaking my entire building and making me seasick -- true story. Where in the world does that happen?

Don't worry about me, though.

PARFAIT TIME

2010-03-14T23:39:00.009+09:00

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

Bottom right features a Mrs. Kikuchi, apple juice, and a high five on the side. Apple juice was a popular drink accompaniment.

If I'm to eat a cheese parfait I'll be needing a cheese spoon.

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT

Yaki-Yaki Parfait at bottom left, impressive.

Chocolate ice cream, tamago sushi, sweet potato, natto soda, vanilla ice cream, red wine. Child, you are the future.

Is it still winter?

2010-03-08T03:11:00.006+09:00

Then I'm still compulsively making things.

These are called DEVILED EGGS, see? I put wasabi in them.

These macaroons = 3 ingredients + chocolate.

My first American biscuits! I'm so proud, even though I should have cut them with a knife instead of a jar. Their dome-iness didn't affect their deliciousness so it's okay.

Sada Abe

2010-03-08T02:02:00.008+09:00

I love the story of Sada Abe and Kichizo Ishida as much as I hate Twilight. I can't believe something so perfectly grotesque, erotic, sick, romantic and terrible actually happened. Their personalities and relationship and the way it all went is too mysterious and wild to even deal with. They were insane.

Last night I FINALLY got to watch Ai No Corrida (English title: In the Realm of the Senses), the 1970s art film by Nagisa Oshima that was inspired by the affair. I was scared to watch it because I love the story so much often when movies are based on interesting people and affairs, they water things down for no reason and everything gets trite and pointless (have you seen Bright Star? Barf Star) and Abe and Ishida are quite a lot to handle. But this movie is so good. So beautiful and creepy and sexy and upsetting. This film was widely edited and banned upon release. Unsimulated sex acts are filmed incredibly close up and in detail, plus handfuls of various taboos shown and mentioned. I've never seen a more explicit movie and I found the last scenes hard to watch. But I absolutely loved this beautiful, beautiful film. Has anyone else seen it? What did you think?

P.S. Watch out! You can't watch the original version in Japan. It's crazy censored which is like putting big ugly holes in the entire mood and theme of the film. So lame. The uncut version is available in the US and many other countries, and you can find it online like I did.

All Over

2010-03-08T00:57:00.006+09:00

I've got too many pressing interests right now. Today I'm really into yodeling. I heard that yodeling was originally a means of communication between mountain peaks in the Swiss and Austrian Alps. Badass.

I have this big thing for the Appalachian and Ozark regions of America. Almost all of the first white settlers of Appalachia came from around the Scottish/English border (that insane Appalachian dialect has more Scottish influence than any other American dialect), and after that tons of German and Swiss people came. That's why Appalachian folk music sounds like Scottish/English ballads with yodeling. Did you know?

Are you with me?

March March March

2010-03-02T21:20:00.006+09:00

Shit, who has anything to say on March 2nd of any year?

I can't stop eating spinach. I've been eating it twice a day for like two weeks. I came home one night and my roommate was making it and I thought shit that looks good and now it's all I can take. Last week I had spinach and chicken for breakfast and then the school lunch was spinach and chicken. I fucking own this city. No one pushes me around on the train now because they can tell I've replaced all my meals with spinach and I'm listening to Immigrant Song on repeat throughout my entire commute. I did fall down the escalator the other day, though.

In other news:

I only have a couple more weeks left at my elementary school and then I get a long broke spring vacation and then I'm starting a new teaching job that I'm trying not to be too excited about (but I think it might be awesome).
If I don't see the Pacific soon I'm gonna dry up. I need a seaside getaway somewhere not too far from Tokyo, with big wet trees.
My birthday is in April!

Fantastic Japan Blog

2010-03-02T20:01:00.003+09:00

1000 things about Japan that I will and won't miss when I eventually leave.

Does everyone already know about this? This person is making one concise little entry, with a photo, for each thing she expects to miss or not miss when she leaves Japan. It's so readable that it was painful to tear myself away from it long enough to make this entry.

Edit: Except for the backpack post. But I can deal.

Inokashira Park

2010-02-24T17:06:00.003+09:00

Inokashira Park is near Kichijoji Station. I have spent so much time here since moving to Tokyo.

I don't really like izakaya parties. I would rather hang out where people can move around and come and go as they want and not just sit there eating and drinking. Partying outside is the best.

Inokashira Park is also good for picnics, cherry blossom viewing, reading, and fooling around in the bushes, I mean probably.

Memories!

Now the days are longer and warmer and in one more month it'll be total spring!

Spring is just a short sweet intro to another long summer in Tokyo and I am so fucking stoked. Cold drinks, thin dresses, sex hair, hot rooms, long nights, I'm waiting all my life for it.

See you outside my friends. This summer is gonna be sick!

Japanese Hairstyles = Impressive

2010-02-22T19:11:00.010+09:00

I'm obsessed with hair right now. I'm the slovenliest of all Northwest coastal bums and basically don't know how to do anything with my hair. I can tousle it into a big trashy mess and straighten my bangs, and that's all that matters. But preppy Japanese girls with their crazy bouffants and sleek perms and magic oils get me pretty jealous.

I know I'm not supposed to think gyaru and kyabajo are cool but how could I possibly ignore the fact that their favored hairstyles are based on a CLASSIC 1960s aesthetic?

These are terrible examples. How come I could only find princess and cabaret -style gyaru looks on Google? I tried it in Japanese but then I just got porn. Anyway, you get the idea. Japanese girls who are way into their hair pull off insane 60s style glamor.

French twist

Last night I was determined to finally learn to do a french twist, and I found this girl's videos. You can follow them even if you don't speak Japanese. Amazing!

High-volume half-updo

Incredible! I didn't use any products, just a brush, elastic and a few pins, and I got all of these on the first or second try.

Easy fake bob

All of these looks are so simple and only take a few minutes. They will all look so good worn messy with sloppy makeup and old cocktail dresses. They're not as crazy and perfectly curled and sculpted as those gyaru looks above but that's for the better, right?

60s chestnut

My hair is still too short for this but oh my god! Perfection!

You know how hostesses go to salons for their hair and makeup before work? I cannot be the only one who wants to get in on that shit. Who wants to have a kyabajyo day with me?

Edit:

This is so easy and fabulous, I'm gonna die of happiness.

Or Don't Be Mine

2010-02-15T15:47:00.005+09:00

I spent Valentine's Day with possibly the worst hangover of my entire life. I was in bed until 9PM. I only stumbled out of my room a few times to swallow some tap water and swear I was dying.

When I finally got up, I was all alone and the only thing to do was go buy a bento and watch Heathers online and sulk. Classic Valentine's Day variation, right?

And I had already eaten my share of peanut butter cups. I never want to see another peanut butter cup or another cigarette or another glass of whiskey as long as I live. (Really!)

Apparently no one made chocolates for Valentine's Day but me. That's funny. These peanut butter cups tasted exactly like peanut butter cups, by the way. Peanut Butter Cups Recipe

Set a Date

2010-02-12T20:22:00.002+09:00

I get caught up and time flies by. I don't want to be in Japan forever. That's all I know. Sometimes I think I'll stay for years, and sometimes I think only one more. Usually I think about how hard it will be to leave and sometimes I think I'm getting bored.

I don't want to lose anything I have here, but I will. Places close and friends get lost. I do so much and it changes so fast. I wish all my good lives could follow me like a parade all the way to death.

How do you get your kicks?

2010-02-11T15:24:00.012+09:00

Again. If I'm always broke, how/why do I go out so often? Because. My talent in life is getting away with things, I know how to be cheap, and I have no problem skipping bills and groceries. The fact is, it's extravagant to make a habit of going out on a part-timer's budget, especially in Tokyo. But I can't stay in my room all the time. I would get sad and crazy.

Free: Long walks, libraries, reading magazines in 7/11, sitting in the park, window shopping, nanpa fishing, restroom photography.

Cheap: Flea markets, casual sex, shitty chain cafes like Doutor and Mister Donut, first-time deals at host clubs, Starbucks, one or two drinks at a cozy bar, McDonald's, a small purchase at a crafts store, carefully budgeted house parties.

Overpriced but difficult to live without: kissaten, delicious coffee anywhere (incl. train fare), reasonably low-key nights out.

Painfully out of my price range: Books, music, movies.

IT'S NOT FUNNY

2010-02-08T20:47:00.001+09:00

ENOUGH

2010-02-08T19:20:00.005+09:00

I hate winter! I hate being cold and bulky all the time with my bag slipping off my giant wool shoulder and my nose red and runny. I do like this coat Hanako gave me, but winter is such a pain in the ass.

And these days I am not the kind of girl who can stay in and read a book. I need to go out and read a book. Out into the cold! I do have some warm places to go, at least.

This has been my favorite kissaten lately.

So warm, decent coffee, good space to write in. And great toast. Kissaten make toast into an art form. Do you see that I'm drinking cafe au lait? Defeated. I'll be back to black when I'm back in Stumptown.

Abridged Version

2010-02-03T00:20:00.001+09:00

I woke up the other day in my kimono with screaming blisters on the tops of my feet.

Learn from my mistakes! Tatami-burn = 10x worse than rug-burn.

Hanako was sleeping on the kitchen floor, which I can't stop apologizing for. How appalling!

Plus, this road construction barrier was in my bed. I still haven't put it back because I'm not exactly sure where it came from. Is this gonna get me deported?

Dresses

2010-02-02T00:06:00.003+09:00

I wanted to go out the other night and found out my ATM card wouldn't work that late on a Sunday. What! I had to come back home and settle for taking photos of myself rolling around in my favorite new flea market dresses. Here are the other two I love.

This one was inexplicably difficult to photograph. It falls just above the knee. 100 yen, adorable! I'm excited because it could be exactly the kind of goth I think I can dig.

I want this amazing 50 yen kinderwhore treasure to work so bad but I am slowly facing the fact that it was made for an A-cup and is sort of not doing me any favors. But it's so potentially versatile! Obviously I bought it thinking Courtney Love, but imagine how much I could charge if I went back to private lessons with salarymen like this:

HAHAHA. Now you know why I haven't starved yet.

Hanako

2010-02-01T13:07:00.006+09:00

My lost friend Hanako is back from traveling. She's been staying with us for a couple of weeks. It's been so fun. She's as messy as I am, and I love a mess (sorry, Ayabean).

But she also cooks delicious food all the time. I was slowly, happily shrinking on my distracted-bachelor diet and then Hanako fluttered in with her udon and shrimp pasta and okonomiyaki every night. "Because you don't eat well!" For god's sake, summer's coming! Let a girl starve! "And you should learn to cook!" Oh, yeah? WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?

Jesus Christ delicious! I urge you residents of Japan to go buy a some jam, bread and a jar of real peanut butter and see how fond absence has made your heart. Has a peanut butter and jelly sandwich ever disappointed anyone?

One Coin Dress

2010-02-01T03:32:00.006+09:00

OBSESSED with this dress I got at the flea market last weekend.

I'll wear this every night as soon as I don't need a coat.

Someone said it looks like a kimono and indeed I don't think I can wear it with my hair up, lest I be accused of cosplay? Not to alienate any readers but yeah, I kind of am cooler than that.

( でしょう ? )

Sunset Over Panties

2010-01-27T22:14:00.001+09:00

You're WELCOME.

Flea Markets

2010-01-26T00:20:00.006+09:00

Went flea marketing on Sunday, at Meiji Park and then Yoyogi Park for the first time.

Business was too good! Hanako and I ended up with more stuff than some vendors brought to sell. I got four dresses, a winter coat, a corduroy jacket, a pink sweater, a skirt, and a necklace. I spent like 2,000 yen. The most expensive was the coat for 1,000 yen (something I actually needed for once) and the cheapest was the necklace for 10 yen.

The Meiji Park market has a great garage-sale range of stuff -- junk, antiques, housewares, clothes -- and a lot of it is super cheap, sometimes free. I basically go there to find stuff I like for a buck. I bought the most amazing maxi dress ever for 500 yen and that seemed an extravagant priceat the time. This market is like a 10 minute walk from Sendagaya Station, 1st and 3rd Sunday of the month I think, morning to 4PM.

The Yoyogi Park market is mostly clothes, and trendier vendors. It's a bit pricier on average but you can still find super cheap prices. If you're just visiting Tokyo I'd definitely recommend this one because it's right in Yoyogi Park and you can eat street food and check out the rockabilly dancers and everything. It's a 5 minute walk from Harajuku Station. Not sure if it's every Sunday or the 1st and 3rd Sunday, morning to 4PM.

I'm too used to flea markets and thrifting. I'm usually wearing like $5 worth of clothes at a time. Bum, bum, bumming. I got these shoes for 100 yen a couple weeks ago.

More Flea Market info.

America, America

2010-01-23T18:34:00.016+09:00

Forget Japan, I am really proud of all the enthralling American headlines this month. NEWSFLASH: I LIKE GOSSIP!

CONAN VS. LENO

Huge entertainment scandal. David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, and Jay Leno are the three big late night talk show comedians in America. Letterman is a classic offbeat jerk, and Conan is weirder, more hip and popular with college kids. Leno is squeaky clean and old people like him, but he and Letterman have been enemies since Leno screwed him over by stealing the iconic The Tonight Show out from under him 17 years ago. I love feuds! Last June, Leno passed the Tonight Show torch to Conan and made a new show of his own at an earlier time. It didn't do well. So he took Conan's spot back! Oooh! Slimeball! Celebrities and fans have rallied around Conan, and Leno's been slammed in the press, even though he won and Conan's off the air now. I LOVE FEUDS!

SENATOR BEEFCAKE

This is the new Republican U.S. Senator, Scott Brown, posing for Cosmopolitan magazine in 1982. Brown's surprise victory destroyed the Democrats' super-majority in the Senate, likely the final blow for Obama's attempted health-care reform, but the point is, Scott Brown's nickname in the press is Senator Beefcake.

...VS.

PRESIDENT DREAMBOAT

Sweet America, hot mess!

1!
GOOGLE VS. CHINA
(These are the Google Guys)

OH SHIT! Google vs. China?! As huge corporations go, Google is an interesting company with an attractive philosophy. It was a big deal when they agreed to comply with Chinese censorship laws so they could do business there, because it went against their stated belief in free and open access to information and their motto (Don't Be Evil). Google claimed that it was better to provide some access to new information than none at all. Now Google's fed up with cyber-attacks on their systems targeting the email accounts of Chinese human rights activists. They believe the attacks are supported by the Chinese government and they are threatening to pack up and leave. Now Obama and Clinton are demanding answers from the Chinese government regarding the attacks and criticizing the restriction of information, Chinese officials are pissed, and Google looks really cool.

Honorable Mention

HEIDI MONTAG DOES SOMETHING INTERESTING

I don't hate tabloid celebrities like Paris Hilton or Heidi Montag. I doubt they're any dumber than the average person and I don't call girls sluts or whores, so there's no shit for me to talk. But as an indicator of what many of my peers find interesting, they do depress me. I guess I have actively disliked Heidi Montag in particular for being the most obnoxiously boring one. A couple of months ago she disappeared from the press, which was weird because the bulk of her career, seriously, is posing for paparazzi while making obnoxious beauty queen/centerfold faces. It turns out she was in recovery after having 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day and now she looks like a dead person.

Look at that miserable face! She looks like she's in shock! I am so intrigued by her weird corpse eyes that I want to pay attention to her now. Celebrity therapist of celebrities Dr. Drew says, “...what I call this is female cross dressing. In other words a woman that over accentuates her femaleness – who becomes a Barbie doll – that always really concerns me. That suggests some significant trauma." Way to show some grit, Montag!

I can't read more than a few dozen kanji, so I can't read gossip about Japanese celebrities and politicians. It's so sad, I'm almost motivated to study.

Very? A little?

2010-01-22T19:06:00.000+09:00

The sad poster is still my favorite thing I've ever drawn for school, while the Michael Jackson shows that I'm really no good at all! I can't put any motion or tension into anything, ever. But it's okay. I like to draw and being able to do it all the time and learn to develop an actual style for school materials has been the best part of working in Japan. Better than eating school lunch and dancing with children? Yes. Oooh. Someday soon. Someday soon I might tell you a thing or two about teaching English in Japan.

I had higher hopes for this. Look at that guy's weird emotionless arms. Haha. The kids like it, though. They are not very discerning critics. Who is? I plan to fall in love with a discerning critic someday.

Saturday

2010-01-21T18:37:00.004+09:00

I like Miku looking all sci-fi but I might also like a better camera.

be right back

2010-01-17T15:06:00.004+09:00

I really do take a lot of photos of myself in restrooms. Maybe I kind of love restrooms on nights out. Especially the first time you go in once you're in the place and you can hear the people and music outside kind of muffled, and you don't know who your friends will be talking to when you come back out and you're checking your look in the mirror. It's a great moment. Am I right? Plus after I took photos of myself in like three different restrooms I decided I might as well make a habit of it. Here's last night.

Back to Work

2010-01-15T20:08:00.000+09:00

Cold bottled tea and a fruit & yogurt cereal bar. That's what THIS champion likes for breakfast!

Five Easy Pieces

2010-01-15T19:58:00.002+09:00

I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee, and wheat toast.

No substitutions.

What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?

Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two - a plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.

Yeah, I know what it comes with. But it's not what I want.

Well, I'll come back when you make up your mind.

Wait a minute. I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee, and a side order of wheat toast.

I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast...an English muffin or a coffee roll.

What do you mean you don't make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?

Would you like to talk to the manager?

...You've got bread and a toaster of some kind?

I don't make the rules.

OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

A number two, chicken sal san, hold the butter, the lettuce and the mayonnaise. And a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Yeah. Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

I want you to hold it between your knees.

Do you see that sign, sir? Yes, you'll all have to leave. I'm not taking any more of your smartness and sarcasm.

You see this sign?

Out of Control!

2010-01-10T03:05:00.008+09:00

I only recently realized that I have like, a new annoying catch phrase every couple of months. I don't mean to. It just happens. I get hooked on words and overuse them. A couple years ago I was pushing "the bomb" really hard. Then I was calling everyone "B." Then I started saying "that's nuts!" about like, fucking everything. Since I started this blog, I've been all about "rad." I have to be careful what I say as a joke, because ironic usage of things like "OMG" and "I know, right?" becomes natural real fast and it never goes away completely. Sometimes I just find or remember a term I like so much I want it to come back. Like right now I'm really into "fly" which is like, the coolest word ever, remember the Fly Girls?

Oh my god. Still so cool my heart aches.

Here are Japanese words I would like to slangify in English. But it just never sounds all that cool to hear English speakers dropping Japanese words on other English speakers. Which isn't really fair, because languages swap words all the time and it's a lovely thing, and obviously I think Japanese is rad, but you know what I mean. How did we let it get so nerdified? Anyway here are my fave Japanese words. Beware of my interpretive translations.

BIMYO
Means: "Meh."
"How was the sex?"
"Nnn... it was like, bimyo."

CHO
Means: "SUPER..."
"He says he feels so empty when I'm not around..."
"Ugh, that is CHO lame!"

YAPPARI
Means: "Ah, just as I suspected!"/"I knew it!" (kind of)
"Did you go home after I left last night?"
"Ah, no, actually me and High-Five Guy..."
"LOL, yappari!"

What are your favorite Japanese words? Do you mix your Japanese into English conversations? Do you ever do it on accident?

dance dance dance dance

2010-01-06T22:07:00.006+09:00

I don't know these two but I snapped this picture of them dancing and I love it so much. They're too lovely. If I see them again I'll be all shy because I took a picture of them and put it on my blog and daydreamed of being their third musketeer.

THE FUTURE

2010-01-03T17:18:00.006+09:00

Holidays in Japan blow! My Japanese friends always go back to their hometowns, leaving me to drum my fingers against my lips in peace for about two seconds before I dive for tights and mascara and head out on my own. Danger danger danger.

Good thing Amanda's in town this time. As you probably know, New Year's in Japan is for hanging with the fam. Well! New Year's in our world will always only ever mean disco makeup and party girl behavior. After a shopping trip, a few hours of Gaga and half a bottle of liquid liner, we were on the train.

Everything is closed in Japan around New Year's, especially the kind of bars I like, but my favorite place was somehow open. Unfortunately, as soon as we settled in with drinks and started grooving, this army of meatheads lumbered in and ordered a round of Jaegerbombs.

We barely had the chance to snicker any bitchy remarks before they sent drinks over. A minute later one of the guys swaggered over with a bra on his head (that's weird, someone must have left it on the ceiling last time she was here). Before long they'd worked themselves to a fever pitch and Bra-man was tearing his boxer shorts into pieces, pulling them out of his pants and shoving them down my dress.

Believe me, friends, this all lasted much longer than it was funny, and we spent the next couple of hours ducking and dodging. Amanda ended up passing out, and I ended up followed into a bathroom stall. Dude, I am not in the habit of turning down free service, but these people were really too much. I may vaguely remember drunkenly patting/shoving his face and bellowing, "NO NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, you CAN'T HAVE A GIRL LIKE ME, I'm TOO FILTHY and AWESOME!"

Thus Amanda once again wins the evening's prize for dignity. She held this elegant pose for nearly 5 hours! Brava. I shoved ice cream in her face for awhile as I fended off my drunken suitors, and that was basically my New Year's! We left Shibuya around 8AM, our hair and makeup impressively intact.

When we got up around 5PM, I pulled out of my dress a scrap of flannel, a note saying "YOU NAME IT, I'LL DELIVER," and a post-it with some girl's email address -- containing the word "bizkit." Yuck. But anyway -- It's 2010! I'm 24! I live in Tokyo. These days it's miniskirts, music, drinks and cigarettes, boys, blogs and breakdowns, poetry, pick-ups, parties, walks in parks, hotel rooms and hosts, waking up at 2 and getting dressed at 9, a few brilliant friendships, good books and a lot of long hours thinking scary thoughts. I don't think I'm wasting time.

Red Red WINE

2009-12-29T02:57:00.003+09:00

Sometimes I wonder if I moved to Japan because of labels like this. You know what I mean? Maybe that's what I should tell people when they ask!

Happiness

2009-12-29T02:53:00.000+09:00

is a fire hazard

so warm!

Winter's Bananas

2009-12-26T16:38:00.013+09:00

I don't like cold. I don't like coats. I don't like afternoon sunsets. I don't like winter. My instinct is to hibernate. I lose all my living urges. It takes a huge effort to get out of bed in the winter. Winters in the Pacific Northwest are especially long and dark and I have spent many unfortunate months sleeping through the cloudy mornings and afternoons until my waking moments are a dull zombie haze, like a perpetual 4:58AM on a Tuesday.

I need constant distraction and entertainment to feel safe from my seasonal inner zombie. So I am way into the holidays. BAKING and PARTYING are my winter coping mechanisms. According to my tradition, November to April should consist of gallons of cheap champagne, parties from 8 to 4, and wild-eyed sprees of baking ten pies at a time and 6 hour monster cinnamon rolls.

Tokyo has never left me under-partied, but the lack of ovens in Japan means baking requires some kind of new effort -- not really my strong point. Last night, alone on Christmas day, I decided to try making banana bread in a rice cooker. How long I've been astounded by the concept of baking with a rice cooker!

DUDE! What! Amazing! It took forever because I didn't know what setting to use. Normal was too slow, but okayu worked well.

Rice cooker! Ticket to Cake City! Population delicious!

Aya came home and we had supermarket roast chicken and banana bread and listened to old Christmas music. It was a fine holiday. Too bad my winter coping mechanisms are, as usual, threatening to pump me up like a sneaker.

Or pass me out in the genkan, respectively. Those boots are like, way hard to take off sometimes.

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T18:37:00.008+09:00

Last Christmas Eve, I was sitting alone on a rock in the middle of the river in Yamagata.

Seriously! I mean, it was a good day, in a Yamagata way.

This Christmas Eve, I was sitting alone on a bench by the pond in Inokashira Park.

I had hot cocoa and a book I didn't read. Look how beautiful the day is. It's been like this all winter.

This guy came and set up behind me. He struck up a really great Mr. Bojangles. I got emotional for a minute.

Anyway I would call this Christmas Eve an improvement. I might be starting to like spending holidays sitting alone on things around bodies of water.

When I got home I decided to make rocky road. My great-grandma used to make amazing rocky road every Christmas. Hers was some out of control fudge masterpiece, but I played it simple & cheap. Guess why! Because I'm lazy & poor. This way, you just buy chocolate bars, walnuts and mini marshmallows.

Chop up the chocolate and the walnuts. Melt the chocolate. Stir in the walnuts and mallows. Spread it out, let it cool, and slice that shit. I thought such an easy recipe could only be so-so, and I thought I used too many marshmallows because I was too lazy to measure anything, but I was wrong and wrong again.

HELP, other people must eat this as soon as possible!

Ni-chome

2009-12-21T22:00:00.007+09:00

Shinjuku Ni-chome is Tokyo's gay entertainment district. There are like 300 gay bars and clubs packed into like a five block area. In the last 20 years it's been maturing as an LGBT social and cultural hub, with pride parades, an LGBT community center, and other events and hot-spots for queers in Tokyo.

I finally made it out to Ni-chome a couple of weeks ago for an electro party at a small club I liked a lot. Like most such neighborhoods, Ni-chome isn't exclusively LGBT. It's got a festive reputation and attracts a wild, open-minded crowd. The area is compact and it felt like a block party, noise and movement in the narrow streets all night until dawn. But all I have to show for my first night in Ni-chome is this creepy restroom photo. I take an awful lot of self-portraits in restrooms, you don't have to tell me.

How are you?

2009-12-21T21:33:00.005+09:00

I hate being sleepy at work. When I'm on the verge of passing out I make posters and drawings to keep myself awake. I draw weird when I'm exhausted and those ones are sometimes my favorites.

This would have been a FEELINGS poster, like hungry, sleepy, happy, bored, sad, nervous... but I don't remember drawing it and can't figure out what the fuck I could possibly have been trying to illustrate.I don't know if you can see it but this fellow in his winter hat seems to be holding a closed hand to his chest while staring at... what?

P.S. Don't drink that Tully's coffee. It was the worst ever.

Last Sunday

2009-12-17T21:11:00.004+09:00

I got up early because Ayabean suggested we go to a great cafe in Shimokitazawa.

Perfect drinks and perfect donuts from a famous shop across the street.

We went looking for biscuits in Kichijoji. We walked through the park and walked home. Two persimmons and two birds!

We went to a sausage shop because we wanted American breakfast for dinner! We had eggs, home fries, toast, and biscuits & gravy. With chamomile tea and The Beatles!

For dessert we baked apples. Baked apples are ridiculous. You just bake the apple, and it becomes even more delicious. It's out of control.

sweet mood

2009-12-17T20:04:00.010+09:00

It was freezing cold today, but so clear and pretty. The train ride home was nice.

I didn't consider the weather when I moved to Japan and it's been the most pleasant surprise. The amount of sun I've seen this year is astounding (I'm from Oregon, though).

I had such a relaxing day. I substituted at a junior high, just grading speeches until 3PM. I was in the mood for nature poetry. I've barely studied Wordsworth at all! It's absurd. The preface to Lyrical Ballads had a predictably terrific effect on me, so I don't know how I've neglected everything else he did. I love Dorothy Wordsworth, his sister. She kept beautiful journals, and her descriptions of the landscapes they traveled through fed his poetry. So far I've been much more absorbed in her journals than his poems. But today I got into "Lines Written in Early Spring" so maybe I'll have a W. Wordsworth phase now.

I heard a thousand blended notes,
While in a grove I sate reclined,
In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts
Bring sad thoughts to the mind.

To her fair works did Nature link
The human soul that through me ran;
And much it grieved my heart to think
What man has made of man.

Men/Boys/Girls #1

2009-12-15T21:49:00.019+09:00

Remember when I was always complaining about being broke, and then I didn't complain about it anymore? Did you notice?
A sugar daddy is a rich guy who showers a younger girl with money and gifts in return for companionship. My sugar daddy "hired" me as an "English teacher," which meant he wanted me to look pretty and meet him twice a week to walk around arm-in-arm, go to the movies and have fancy dinners. He paid me a fixed amount every time we met, sometimes extra, and usually brought me flowers and gifts. I never so much as kissed him and I got about 120,000JPY/month. For like a month.

Sugar Daddy was a Japanese CEO in his 60s. He was handsome enough, fit, and he wore good suits. Not my favorite suits, but tailored and Brooks Brothersish. I love suits and read GQ and critique them on trains, but I can't say what a suit says about a man. Every older man I have ever known who wore a suit all the time was boring or an asshole, usually both. Foreshadowing.

It was the hardest job I have ever had. We had nothing to talk about but he wanted me to talk the whole time. He was always acting mildly displeased by random things I said. I mentioned that I did taekwondo and he said "I don't know about such a strong womans!" I said I liked art and he gave a strained smile like he knew my kind. He liked Mariah Carey and romantic comedies. If I couldn't think of anything to say fast enough he would lean back, look at me critically, and ask, "Bess, are you tired?" I'd have to smile big and cry, "No! Just relaxed!"

The outfit and face I wore the first time we met (I know, brillz)

He spoke English well, but the gap between his speaking and listening skills was incredible. I've been doing classroom and private lessons for a long time now but it was enough to put me at a loss. Every single thing I said had to be repeated so many times. Once on the train I almost cried because he made me say something like "I ate pizza there" in a loud voice for almost five minutes. But he never wanted anything that would actually help his English.

He was always suggesting shopping trips and gifts for me. It's unbelievable, but I didn't take advantage. His money saved me, but gifts, I couldn't deal. Once he took me to an amazing stationery store and told me to pick anything I liked for me and my friends. I was so uncomfortable, but he started acting irritated that I wasn't picking anything, so I took two cards. He was pissy for like ten minutes and wouldn't stop asking why I don't like gifts.

Don't just say it with flowers!

One night over blowfish he asked me what he should give me for Christmas. As always I got super awkward. Under pressure, I finally confessed that I like art supplies. He decided that because I'm a writer, I need a fountain pen. I have no use for a fountain pen. I tried to explain that I am the kind of "writer" who scrawls 50 pages in cheap notebooks every night (then sobs "NO GOOD, NO GOOD, NOT A GENIUS" and goes to bed), and the pen would waste ink and soak through the paper. But he just got really patronizing and said I didn't understand the value of nice things.

I decorate bars with nice things.

The next time we met, he took me to Tokyu Hands. I was done for. The thought of him buying me gifts was nauseating until the gifts were art supplies. So I picked a sketchbook, and then I went to pastels and started choosing colors I needed.

His reaction was crazy. "Bess! What's this? Why you want such a things? It's such a small things." What?! I was confused by his irritation so I quit with two colors. He asked "How about pencil?" I didn't realize he meant pen, so I was like, sweet, graphite pencils. But of course he was even more disgusted by those. Finally he steered me to the pen case and basically bullied me into this 17,000yen Waterman fountain pen. Then he bought me a leather case. He spent so much money on me but he just wanted to buy what he wanted to buy for me, whether I was interested or not. I imagine that's how it often is with sugar daddies.

(Not that I wasn't happy with that bag of stuff once I got on the train, and the pen is very pretty and I bragged to my friends, but I never use it. Then there are the bears)

Sugar Daddy worked me to my last nerve. I was always waiting for the Moment. On our second date he couldn't find the restaurant and when we went down a street with a few love hotels I almost had a heart attack. He had a habit of starting sentences with "So, Bess..." followed by a long pause and my stomach dropped to my heels every time. It's not that the thought of sex for money freaks me out that bad, but not knowing what I was in for made me anxious.

Still, he was generally civil and polite to me and supported me when I was down to my last 1000 yen and rent was due, so I did my best. I never gave up on trying to get to know him, looking for things we could talk about. And after the pen, I was even thinking I could try to roll with some more shopping.

Then, one day, Sugar Daddy tried make a date with me a few hours in advance. I don't do same-day meetings because at any moment I might be passed out in a bed across town next to my dead phone. By the time I caught up with my messages, he had called me twice, left messages, texted, and sent two emails. The last email said, "Beth, do you live in the Mars? How can I reach you quickly?" UM, TRIPLE MY PAY IF YOU WANT ME ON CALL, IDK. I was really soothing though and wrote him that I can't always get my calls right away and that's why I don't do same-day appointments and I'm really sorry blah blah, and suggested a meeting the next day. He replied, "Sorry, I'm busy. Maybe another time." I wrote him another apology and never heard back. That was the end.

I was mad and offended, which is how I can make such a shameless post! I think he was unreasonable and unprofessional. He offered me a long-term arrangement and then dumped me when I didn't answer the phone fast enough. One more jerk in a suit!

Clearly I am not cut out for the Sugar Daddy business which is a great disappointment. I always wanted to try it and thought my dream had come true, but it turns out I can't cooperate with it. I tried so hard and it was frustrating. How difficult can it be to let someone buy you things? Does anyone want a pen for 5000 yen? Because I'm broke.

I Went to a Host Club

2009-12-13T01:43:00.011+09:00

It was inevitable. I've always been intrigued by hosts, but I never really cared to go to one of their clubs. I love all things shady and beyond the fringe, but the thought of paying boys for attention never sat well with me because I am vain and uptight. Plus, I wasn't confident with my Japanese, so I thought I'd say something wrong and buy a $20,000 bottle of champagne or something. Anyway I ended up dating and befriending so many hosts and former hosts that after awhile there didn't seem to be any point.

Buuut I knew I had to go at least once. So the other night, a friend and I got dressed up and set out for the part of Kabukicho where the hosts prowl. We sauntered around conspicuously, making eyes in all directions. The first few advances came in broken English and dissolved into quick retreats. Whatever, wimps. Still, it didn't take long before a boy from Club Joker spotted us. He was the only one who came on energetically and checked our Japanese. Once he realized we could communicate, he turned on the charm full force and we followed him back to his lair. We were super nervous but he kept us talking and laughing with quick, flirty conversation and smooth moves. By the time we got to Club Joker we had gone from "We're just doing this to get it over with," to "OMG and after this one we can go to ANOTHER ONE!"

I'm wearing a kimono, writhing in the name-cards I received from hosts. It's like THUG LIFE translated to GIRL IN TOKYO. Hahaha. Anyway, for two hours we sat in a cushioned corner while a couple dozen boys came two or three at a time to entertain us. Apart from the first ten minutes with a couple of totally incompetent, presumably newbie guys who barely said anything to us, our experience there was flawlessly fun. It didn't feel phony or weird at all -- it felt like a fabulous party with extremely witty, glamorous hosts whose only concern was to keep us in the best mood possible. And now, in those terms, I completely understand the appeal of host clubs.

The most interesting part was seeing each host's angle. Some boys were lighthearted and cute -- one had a medley of perfectly honed adorable faces and poses just to make us go AWWW! Some were all jokes and wicked grins and kept us laughing. Some flirted and flattered and swooned over our beauty and charm. Some were just clever, friendly and easy conversationalists. They knew how to work together, too, and I think their chemistry and familiarity was largely what kept the atmosphere from feeling phony. I hadn't expected that. My favorite host was a blond who sat down near the end. As soon as I met his deep, concentrated gaze, my very tested and reliable instincts said this guy is sooo in love with me... The magic of hosts!

The best part was the bill. Host clubs always have a first-time special, usually 3,000 - 10,000JPY for 1-2 hours depending on the club. We thought we were paying 3,000 each for a two-hour, all-you-can-drink visit, but in the end, that was the cost for both of us! For the price of one expensive cocktail, I spent two hours guzzling booze with a bevvy of pretty boys bending over backwards to entertain me. Best deal ever?

IN CONCLUSION, I think host clubs are fab. I love that there's a place catering to female vice/desire that's clearly way more awesome than the sports bars, strip clubs, etc. that men have for refuge/comfort. If you speak at least conversational Japanese and are not a lonely person with an addictive personality, you should go to a host club. I'm pretty sure you can dig it.

Story of my Life

2009-12-12T17:44:00.009+09:00

Sometimes I just want to remind you how much I love Tokyo.

I ask for an interesting life. I go out alone, turn random corners, follow eye-catching people, loiter in restless places, accept invitations, wander down alleyways, miss the last train, sit on curbs, take different routes and stop at new stations. At some point I just started treating the world like my bedroom. Tokyo is the best place for me, or the worst. I'm frequently exhausted but I keep going out for more.

Kimono

2009-12-10T17:51:00.007+09:00

Kind of odd, but I just bought a kimono. There are a lot of places in Japan where you can buy old kimono/yukata for 1000JPY or less. Often they're boring or damaged, but I love interesting old prints and fabrics so I check them out sometimes.

I have no idea what to do with this, but it's pretty, and the guy who works at the shop is a fox.

Self-Portraits

2009-12-07T16:01:00.003+09:00

Okay, kids, your turn.

Great job!

Wow!

Geez!

Okay!

In the Wintertime

2009-12-01T18:32:00.012+09:00

It's hard to find stuff to watch for free online in Japan because a lot of sources like Hulu are blocked. I'll post some links to TV shows and documentaries you can watch in Japan, because it's winter and it's cold so let's just stay inside with the movin' pictures.

Country Boys. "Filmed over three years (1999-2002), 'Country Boys' tracks the dramatic stories of Chris and Cody from ages 15 to 18...the two boys' struggles to overcome the poverty and family dysfunction of their childhood in a quest for a brighter future. This film also offers unexpected insights into a forgotten corner of rural America...a landscape dotted with roughshod trailer homes and wired with DSL." (If you're not a native English speaker this will be tough because of the strong Appalachian accents, but gosh it is so good.)

Blue Planet. "Five years in the making, with a budget of over $10 million, Blue Planet: Seas of Life is the most comprehensive series of the Earth's oceans to date. Join Pierce Brosnan and Sir David Attenborough as they lead an unprecedented exploration of the ocean, exposing stories of survival against the odds and revealing new species, habitats and behaviors never before caught on camera."

Dexter. I haven't seen this yet but it's been popular in the states. "Set in Miami, the series centers on Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall), a covert serial killer governed by a strict moral code who works for the Miami Metro Police Department as a blood splatter analyst."

A&E Biography - Jeffrey Dahmer. Or you can learn about a real serial killer. For awhile I thought I wanted to be a criminal profiler but now I realize I'm just morbid. Not an uncommon story, I think.

Mad Men. WHOA THIS SHOW IS GREAT. It centers around an advertising agency in 1960s New York. Stick a fork in me.

Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl is one of those things where if someone scoffs at it I immediately suspect they're just trying to act cool (other such things include: Michael Jackson, Gap, Dylan McKay of Beverly Hills 90210). For the record I am Team Blair, DUH.

(More links shared in the comments!)

URGENT!

2009-12-01T15:52:00.000+09:00

DO HOLIDAY SWEATERS REQUIRE PANTS???

Care Package / Human Nature

2009-11-26T00:35:00.021+09:00

My family sent me the best care package ever!

Peanut butter snacks! Taco seasoning!

My favorite face lotion! A necklace!

Vintage sheets!

Peanut butter is not equally adored the world over. Japan has peanut cream but it's much sweeter than typical American peanut butter. Japan also lacks a wide selection of cereal and Mexican food. As for vintage sheets, I love old sheets. Some people find this gross but I love the patterns. And, like, I wash them.

Thrifted clothes!

Japan also lacks garage sales, right? My mom got each of these dresses for 25 cents. There are like 5 more, a slip, and a jumpsuit.

Boooooks! AH, MY NORTON'S IN TIME FOR WINTER!

The box arrived the day after I unexpectedly burst into tears while video chatting with my mom and brother. Guess what, I love living in Japan, and I've never felt more unstable. I'm not the sanest person anyway and I went crazy in Yamagata. Since I've been in Tokyo it's just been nuts. I don't wanna recycle hyperbolic lines about this city but it's definitely a place that will do all kinds of things to you if you let it, and I just have more yes in me than no. I like living this way, but what usually feels like a great project can sometimes look like a huge mess.

I seriously don't have a worry at the moment, though. This package was so thoughtful and well-timed and cheered me right up. Then today I got this email from my mom:

Subject: dare you to be in a bad mood with this song
Body:

Hahaha. ILU Mom.